(a sample poly marriage ceremony)
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of this company to join together Jackie, Kathryn, Emil, Eric, and Steve in the holy bonds of matrimony.
This ceremony represents their desire to publicly proclaim their love for one another, and their devotion to a relationship that is far beyond that of friend, companion, or even lover. They wish to marry, in the eyes of their family and friends, in the eyes of God, Gaia, the Buddha-nature in all of us, and the absolute absence of any higher power, respectively. Theirs is not a shallow love, but a love tested by time and hardships until it is tempered and true and able to withstand all trials, except for Eric who just moved in last month.
Kathryn, Jackie, and Eric feel that their lifelong mate should be strong and independent, loving, faithful, understanding, devoted, compassionate and most of all — a best friend. Steve is already legally married to Kathryn, but he pretty much agrees anyway and he really digs Jackie. Emil says he believes in lifelong, unbreakable marriage vows, loves Kathryn deeply and is kinda curious about Eric, so he's up for it.
Forasmuch as these five people have come hither to be made one in this holy estate, if there be any here present who knows any just cause why they may not be joined in marriage, I require him now to make it known or ever after hold his peace.
Jackie, do you take Kathryn, Emil, Eric, and Steve to be your lawfully wedded spouses? Do you commit your life to them, embracing all joys and sorrows, all triumphs and hardships?
Kathryn, do you take Jackie, Eric, and Emil to be your lawfully wedded spouses, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, 'til death do you part, even if Emil is kinda creepy?
Emil, do you take Jackie and maybe Eric to be your lawfully wedded spouses, to love and to cherish, forsaking most all others with pre-agreed upon exceptions for Butch Night at the Arena and the occasional one-nighter as per the pre-nup?
Eric, do you take Kathryn and Jackie to be your lawfully wedded spouses? Do you swear your future and your life to them, knowing that they're also bi-curious and that you're entering into a sensual paradise of which other guys may only dream? Do you realize that Emil swiped a photo of you at the beach and hid it in his wallet, and that you'll have to deal with it eventually?
And Steve, do you take Jackie to be your lawfully wedded wife, allowing Kathryn her freedom to explore her newly awakened eroticism with Jackie and Eric, especially since things were getting kinda slow with her anyway and Jackie is just so totally bitching?
Does someone have the bag of rings?
If you would please place the rings upon each other's fingers, and repeat after me: This ring symbolizes the unending union of my life with several of yours. Your dreams are now my dreams. Your hopes are my hopes. Your fears are my concerns. Your finances are now my finances. Your affection is my joy. Your crazy relatives are my crazy relatives. Your repo problems are my repo problems. Your love is my blessing.
Because you, Jackie, Kathryn, Emil, Eric, and Steve have consented together in this sacred commitment and have declared the same before this company of family and friends, I now pronounce you husbands and wives. You may now kiss… everybody.