The best thing about the Internet is that new trends, new concepts, new ideas are more or less instantly disseminated around the world.

This is also the worst thing about the Internet. Frankly, I could do without certain widely disseminated concepts, such as the notion that some of my personal parts need to be drastically improved right now by an amazing new pill.

Lately the newest fad– one that may be over by the time you read this — is the flash mob, the online equivalent of the Chinese Fire Drill.

If you're sensible and have therefore never been in a car with a teenager you may be unfamiliar with the term. To engage in a Chinese Fire Drill, one simply stops the car at a stoplight or street sign, whereupon everyone in the car leaps out and runs completely around the car before getting back in and driving off. This is done for the sole purpose of confounding everyone else in the area, although by now anyone who sees you do it knows what it really is, i.e. teenagers screwing around. I've participated in them, back in the day, although even while I was dashing wildly around the car I was wondering what this had to do with fire safety, and whether we shouldn't be calling it 'Indigenous Asian People Fire Drill' or something.

The main benefit of this — spontaneous and unexpected public befuddlement — has been picked up and improved by flash mobbers.

A flash mob is simply a group of people who meet online in a chat room or message board or through e-mail or a blog, and who decide to follow the bizarre orders of one of their anonymous number. The word goes out to be at a certain place at a certain time, coordinated by cell phones and instant messages, and receive instructions to do something inexplicable and harmless for a few minutes in a public place before quickly dispersing.

The first flash mob, legend says, occurred in Manhattan last May when more than 100 people popped up in Macy's and began loudly discussing whether to purchase a 'love rug' for their nonexistent commune. Since then the Hyatt Hotel lobby played host to 200 people who gathered, broke into riotous applause for a measured 15 seconds, and vanished. More than 100 mobbies invaded a Soho shoe boutique masquerading as tourists from Maryland. 300 mobsters stood in Central Park and chirped.

But it's spreading. On San Francisco's busy Market Street, more than 150 people spun clockwise for 10 minutes before fading away, and just recently 200 people descended upon Dolores Park for a massive (and quick) game of 'Duck, Duck, Goose' before scattering away, laughing. There are flash mobs springing up in Boston and Minneapolis, Vienna, Berlin, London, Rome, and anywhere else weird people can organize, which means central Florida is way overdue.

Pictures of events and schedules of flash mob activity can be found at Web sites like cheesebikini.com, which have been overwhelmed now that all of us columnists are linking to them.

Flash mobs are loosely based on 'smart mobs,' abrupt political groups pulled together by instant communications, and there has been talk about using their awesome power for social change or demonstrations. Fortunately insaner heads have prevailed. I fully support the revolutionary ideas behind flash mobs as they exist now, which are 1) bewildering the unwary, and 2) forcing computer junkies to get up and walk around outside for a few minutes. Flash mobs remain bizarre, meaningless, and fun, although it wouldn't surprise me to find out that a secret command went out for everyone in California to go get on the ballot and act goofy before running away.

So why haven't there been any sightings reported in Florida? We have more than our share of restless cyberpeople and frustrated performance artists. Personally, I think it's because it would be an uphill battle.

In Tallahassee, any group of more than three people that gathers in a public place is automatically declared to be a lobbyist faction and is immediately ushered into the Capitol to begin the arcane ceremonies. There's no room in Tampa to gather, unless mobbists are willing to tread water.

Masses of people suddenly gathering in Miami are treated carefully by authorities fearing an insurrection. Depending on the neighborhood, they're provided with hostage negotiators, their own festival day, or building contracts.

Residents and tourists in Orlando are already accustomed to paying large sums of money to odd people in strange costumes who do odd things in time with each other, whether it's at the theme parks or in the strip clubs.

And here, where massive public gatherings are a way of life, hundreds of giggling youths may have already swarmed and performed and no one would notice unless it blocked traffic. More than usual, I mean.

To get attention here, flash mobberistas would have to assemble en masse in Daytona Beach and do something that's never seen here, like playfully obeying traffic lights, pointedly not taking beer on the beach at night, or whimsically establishing light industry. I'm up for it, we just need a date. Anyone? Anyone?