The special events season is upon us again, and you know what that means.

Time to study the schedules, make your traffic flow chart, get your escape routes planned, and get all your supplies in before towering waves of tourists break over the city and flood the hotels.

The ending of winter and the beginning of spring heralds a seasonal visit upon our lands, not unlike a plague of locusts, if locusts liked overpriced T-shirts and humorous beer can cozies. The wise resident prepares for this touristial downpour so that he can hold out until April without suffering more than a few broken windows and some tree damage.

The different events require different measures, but for now we'll talk about Speed Weeks.

Forecasters from the Florida Tourism Bureau are predicting between six and nine named races this year, with smaller speed tests and qualifying racing expected throughout the season. These races bring with them dangerously high levels of ear-splitting sound, a rise in local retail prices, and an increased amount of treacherous souvenir shops to ensnare the unwary. Approaching races can easily be detected by the sudden proliferation of Winnebagos drawn to the area by powerful migrational instincts that scientists are only now beginning to investigate.

There are two ways to survive Speed Weeks: hide or flee. Hiding is simply a matter of hoarding everything you need to survive until the races are over and you can emerge from your home, relieved, unwashed, and ready to contact your insurance agent. Be sure to lay in a good supply of batteries and bleach.

Take the time to learn the back roads and side streets. In case of medical emergency or a good sale on Cokes, it is much faster to drive through 75 miles of twisting urban neighborhoods — even if you have to leave the county — than it is to cross Ridgewood.

Residents with jobs outside the home should plan on adding four or five hours of drive time to their commute, and anyone working on International Speedway Boulevard should plan to just stay there until Feb. 17 or until rescue workers can get them out, whichever comes first.

No matter how dire the situation, never leave your house within three hours of a race letting out. The other drivers will still be in a NASCAR-induced fugue state and will think nothing of tapping you into the wall at the tri-oval so they can get ahead of you at the light.

Keep your television tuned to local news, ESPN, or this Web site to stay abreast of any schedule changes.

Turn off propane tanks. Rampant, uncontrollable barbecuing is a constant danger during Speed Weeks.

Designate a safe room in your house to run to during peak times, such as when visiting guests reach a crucial point in their debate over the points system and gunfire is exchanged.

Should you decide to flee there should be relatively clear sailing until the Rolex 24 lets out on Sunday afternoon. After that point, you run the risk of getting caught in the unforgiving loop of about a billion traffic cones and barricades that will lead you around the city six times before rerouting you to Gainesville. Some of the classic cars often seen on the streets of Daytona Beach today are actually lost race fans, still doggedly trying to get home after watching Richard Petty win the 500.

Admittedly this is a great improvement over traffic plans from decades past, when police officers would use enormous high-pressure hoses to flood race traffic off the streets entirely and out into the ocean after every race.

But don't waste your money buying plywood for your windows. You'll need that for Bike Week.