Are you surrounded at all times by all your favorite music? Is your home theater system powerful enough to interfere with the navigation of passing airliners? Is there a constant hum around your body due to the number of Wi-Fi, Bluetooth, Internet-enabled flat screen plasma devices located about your person?

Do you, in fact, have enough cool stuff?

Never fear, little technophile. There's plenty more on the way, as witnessed by the goggle-eyed attendees of last week's Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas and this week's Macworld in San Francisco. If you can somehow afford it you can now do, apparently, anything. Here's some of the highlights of these exciting conventions.

– Microsoft's founder Bill Gates kicked things off by launching his brand new Vista operating system that incorporates cutting edge innovations pioneered by Apple a few years ago. Meanwhile, Apple founder Steve Jobs bragged that Macs would soon be using blindingly fast Intel chips, just like Microsoft already has. Gates then stuck out his tongue at Jobs and hurled a promotional Microsoft messenger bag at Jobs' head. Jobs followed up with a folding chair, and celebrity spokespeople Robin Williams and Ellen DeGeneres were forced to use the fire hoses on the two corporate leaders amidst cheering crowds and the tune of "Rock You Like a Hurricane." Emergency personnel were summoned from where they had been attending to the wounded during the Google/Yahoo throwdown. Stocks for all companies involved rose approximately six points.

– To compete with the unstoppable, inexplicable juggernaut that is the iPod, Brookpond Labs has created Gimme(TM), an MP3 player that automatically senses and remotely rips and collects any and all music anywhere in your vicinity including your CD collection, your neighbor's CD collection, any and all music files on your computer, the song your mom is humming, and the song playing in that commercial you can never remember the name of. At the end of the month you're invoiced for the licensing fees of whatever your Gimme(TM) has nabbed, so you may want to keep it turned off around music stores and concerts.

– Since there is absolutely no good reason why you should ever have to miss a second of television SumSang gives you the T-Bowl TV(TM), a 27" flat panel plasma humidity-resistant TV with built in towel rack and paper dispenser that fits on the wall in your bathroom.

– But even with the T-Bowl, TiVo, DVRs, and plain old-fashioned, hand-cranked VCRs you still might possibly be accidentally exposed to a few milliseconds of a show you don't like, and we can't have that. Check out the new KillIttNow(TM) television subscription service that allows you to voice your displeasure with the touch of a button. When enough "kill" votes are tallied the offending show will immediately be canceled, its performers scattered o'er the land, and its Emmys will be distributed to other shows.

– Live TV delivered to your front seat monitor, roof-mounted antennas that receive high-speed Internet, and GPSs that take you by the hand are all ready to help you take your mind and attention off all that boring driving.

– In the fight between Blu-ray and HD-DVD for the future of your DVD player, it has been announced that you personally will lose. Not only will the new standard DVD format, whichever one it is, be totally better than anything you've ever seen, even in dreams, the new mandatory player for it will be utterly incompatible with every DVD you've ever bought before and will actually melt old-format DVDs within proximity.

– In a surprise announcement, the SumSang Corporation revealed that while everyone in the world was asleep last night operatives broke into their houses, apartments, and hovels and installed SmartieChips(TM) inside every living human being's head. SmartieChips(TM) not only provide instant nonstop high-speed Internet access to your brain, they can also stream every song every recorded or thought of, receive local broadcasts and premium cable channels, schedule your life for the next 20 years (or more, with plugins), allow you to make wireless phone calls to anyone (living or dead) just by thinking about it, have enough storage capacity to contain everything, and take high-res photos of anything you blink at, for a small monthly subscription fee and a very large service plan for the resulting cancer.

All that and more await you! Until next year, when they just get silly.