The first election irregularities have appeared! Kanye West, furious at being named only the Best Hip Hop Artist at the MTV Europe Music Awards, stormed the stage and launched a rant after not winning Best Video even though his video "Touch the Sky" "cost a million dollars, Pamela Anderson was in it. I was jumping across canyons." Best Video instead went to Justice and Simian for "We Are Your Friends." No word yet on whether Diebold machines were involved.

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The Seven Stages of Owning an iPod. I've never actually owned one myself, but it turns out owning a puppy works exactly the same way.

And if you ever appear as a guest on The Colbert Report, Slate.com has a how-to guide to help you avoid looking stupid. Or more stupid than you need to, anyway.