ThinkGeek has gotten in some new Star Trek items, and they're getting a little weird…
First up, a replica hand phaser kit.Not a snap-together, mind you, but all the same sort of parts used to create the original:
…the Star Trek Hero Prop Type-I Phaser Kit was created by Star Trek prop expert and special effects artist John Long (he's so knowledgeable about these props, auction houses rely on him to authenticate the real things). This ultra high quality, full-scale kit enables you to build a completely accurate re-creation of the original Hero version of this iconic prop (Hero props were the ones used in close-ups). You'll build a museum-quality replica of the actual studio filming prop – all the same materials, all the same electronics and functioning (it was molded off an original prop for perfect accuracy).
Which is seriously cool, and as close as you'll get to the real thing without a second mortgage. The next item is also seriously cool, if a little odd: the Star Trek Enterprise Bottle Opener.Officially licensed, this heavy and stylish opener is ready for anything, including the obligatory Romulan Ale jokes.
Handy and stunning, these chromed-out beauties do quick-work on bottles while still screaming Federation. They feel heavy in your hands, like a good phaser, so if diplomatic relations fail you, you can always chuck 'em at your hosts' heads as a weapon.
Again, cool. But the next one I have to wonder about: Red Shirt Star Trek Cologne.This strikes me as the exact opposite of Axe Body Spray, frankly.
Red Shirt Star Trek Cologne is both silly and not all at once. Sure it's mocking all the poor extras who filled the role of cannon fodder for Kirk and his crew, but it also smells really dang nice too. Because sometimes you just need to smell your best, and Red Shirt Star Trek Cologne is a way to do it in style. And who knows, you might not just be an extra destined to die – you could very well be this week's guest star.
Which makes me wonder if I could weaponize Axe. If you dumped a bucket of it on someone, would that person then be smothered by frantic, helpless aroused women? It would be a kind killing, or a really interesting method of suicide.