Archive for August, 2011

Thought of a fun media-spin project I'd like someone to do.

First, film some poor people in a run-down area. Get some interviews, shoot some driveby footage of dingy houses and trailers, get some charts showing income levels, unemployment, the tanking economy, etc. Edit it together into 5 or 6 minutes of compelling video.

Now create two different documentaries, with different voice-overs, opening and closing sequences, music, etc, but with the identical 5-6-minute video in each one. One documentary talks about how Americans are struggling against adversity with courage and determination, the other talks about how much of our tax dollars go to lazy welfare cheaters and unemployment racketeers.

Easy bet both would be convincing, and it would be a cool demonstration of the power of media spin. Go for it.

The Internet: Wow! Google launched a new social media service! Yay!

Google+: Yes, we're just in time to save you from Facebook's privacy violations and Twitter's treacherous shortness. Look, you can assign different people to different "circles" and then, when you post stuff, you can control which of your social circles gets to see what! Isn't that cool and way more non-evil than Facebook?

The Internet: It really is! Thank you, Google! Um, what's this Profile thing?

Google+: To use Google Plus, you have to create a Google Profile so we can connect all your Google stuff together in a not-at-all creepy way. No big, you can choose how much of your private information other people can see.

The Internet: Thank you, Google! …Wait a minute. We have to provide our real names?

Google+: Yes! This is a social network and we want the name that you commonly go by in daily life, so it's easier for people to find you.

The Internet: What if our real names aren't the ones we commonly go by?

Google+: No problem! There are little fields for nicknames and others names, just use those.

The Internet: And those will be displayed instead of our real names?

Google+: Of course not. Your real name will show up anyway.

The Internet: But I want my non-real name to be the one displayed!

Google+: So use it! But keep in mind that it's a violation of our TOS, and if it gets flagged your account will be immediately suspended without warning, and oh by the way that might also affect your access to other Google products so it's a good thing you don't use any of those.

The Internet: How would it get flagged?

Google+: By someone flagging it. Anyone, really. Or if you make a change to your name in your profile and it doesn't look right.

The Internet: What kind of name wouldn't look right?

Google+: Any name that doesn't fit in a one-first-name/one-last-name style or just sounds, you know, weird.

The Internet: Huh. Who decides if a name sounds weird?

Google+: An ill-trained and overworked Google employee with a book of English baby names. His name is Nick, you'd like him. But it's not a big deal, really. We want everyone to feel comfortable joining us!

People who fear stalkers, sexual predators, abusive exes, criminals they've arrested, violent bigots, or others who might do them physical harm: Can we use fake names?

Google+: No.

People who fear reprisals from family, friends, and/or employers over controversial religious, political, or sexual opinions: Can we use fake names?

Google+: No.

People who fear harassment, arrest, or death from oppressive regimes for political dissidence: Can we use fake names?

Google+: No.

People who have already built up a substantial following and reputation with a pseudonym, pen name, stage name, avatar or entertainment personna: Can we use fake names?

Google+: No.

Women who have a more pleasant online experience when they're not being hit on all the time: Can we use fake names?

Google+: No.

Teenagers whose parents don't want them using real names online to avoid being targeted by pedophiles: Can we use fake names?

Google+: No.

People in and outside the U.S. with names that do not fit in the first name, last name format: Can we use our actual names?

Google+: No.

People with real, legal names that just sound weird: Can we use our real names?

Google+: Almost probably!

+Lady Gaga,  +Snoop Dogg, +Soulja Boy, +50 Cent: Can we use fake names?

Google+: Of course! We want everyone to feel comfortable joining us!

The Internet: How do we prove our name is actually our name?

Google+: Nothing could be simpler! Just provide a government-issued ID and we might very well believe you!

People without ID depicting the name they want, people in countries where electronically transmitting an ID is illegal, and people who simply don't want to share ID with an online service without guarantee of how and how long it will be stored: Any other ways?

Google+: Yeah, whatever, give us a link to your Facebook page or something.

The Internet: But couldn't people just make up whatever fake name they wanted as long as it sounded like a normal North American white Anglo-Saxon name and you wouldn't care?

Google+: Probably. The point is, the system works.

The Internet: Couldn't you just require our real names to sign up, but let us choose what names are displayed? You could even let us choose which identities would be displayed to individual circles, which would make Google+ an even more amazing and useful social network.

Google+: Sorry, what? We were busy telling our advertisers about the incredibly targeted information we can provide. But hey, thanks for commenting. Google wants to hear your feedback. As long as we like your name.

Remember the NYCMidnight Microstories competition? Of the top 25 chosen in my group, two of them are mine. And they're open for voting!

So I'm shamelessly asking for your votes. Head to http://www.nycmidnight.com/Competitions/FFMC/Groups/6.htm, click on the link and vote for my stories (if you feel they're worth it).

My two finalists were:

Even as she killed him over his penny-pinching ways, he smiled. She was using the bulk duct tape. // by Chris Bridges

and

A sex tape can actually revive a career these days. We haven't seen the last of Larry King. // by Chris Bridges

Winners will be announced Wednesday at midnight, not sure when voting stops. Vote!

NYCMidnight, home of zillions of different writing contests, is having some quickies. Micro Challenges, 100-character-including-spaces stories which must include a provided word.

I can see their point. I've written and read Twitter-length 140-character stories before, and frankly some of them are too tedious to get through. I mean, by the 120th character you're just ready for some resolution already. How long can you pad out a conversation? Like reading a 19th century Russian tweet or something, I keep falling asleep. And the way some writers telegraph the ending in the second word, there's no point in finishing them at all. Much better to trim away all that redundant crap and stick to the basics.

So here are my entries. We were allowed three. My word was "tape." I added titles afterward for fun, but all the stories are 10 words or less.

Vindication

Even as she killed him over his penny-pinching ways, he smiled. She was using the bulk duct tape.

 

Action!

A sex tape can actually revive a career these days. We haven't seen the last of Larry King.

 

Good Evening

Vampires don't show in mirrors or on tape but oddly they do on webcams, which explains BatRoulette.

OK, the last one was lame, but what the hell.

See, Erin Palette, over in her blog, has been chronicalling her experiences in marksmanship and gunplay. And, frankly, it sounded fun. I was a decent shot, once upon a time, but I haven't picked up a firearm in 15 years and was never what you might call trained or anything.

Teresa seemed startled when I mentioned it. I'm not the manliest guy around, and while that's not required, shooting does tend to fall into the realm of things I don't generally do, along with playing football and working on cars and knowing how to bevel an edge of something.

But I was curious, and Erin seemed delighted with the idea, and off to the shooting range we went. She made sure I knew basic gun safety (I did), had read the range rules (no problem, I read fast) and knew how to load the rifle (needed some help there).  I was using her lighter rifle, a bolt-action Savage Arms Model 46 — we'll just pretend I know what that is — while she was firing her Mosin-Nagan. She started me off slowly.

Shooting ranges, you should know, are loud. You go in, pass your fee or flash your pass — or, in Erin's case, just nod at the guy behind the desk — and go set up while trying not to flinch at the astounding variety of bangs, cracks, and booms going on. There are ranges with targets at 25 yards, 50 yards and 100 yards. In the picture to the right, the 25s are on the right and the 50s can be seen way back there on the left.

There were also a fair amount of people there, and most of them looked like normal people. That is to say, not redneck gun-happy choose-your-own-cliche psychos. There were young and old folks, a few father-son outing types, a very attractive girl in her late teens or early 20s who was blasting away at a 50-yard target, and us.

Erin showed me how to load, watched me fire a few rounds, and went to set herself up. Thankfully, I didn't embarrass myself, much. Here's my first targetful.

Not the "oh my God, you're amazing!" results I was hoping for, no bullseyes or even close, but at least I hit the thing.

You shoot for 15 minutes and then the call comes to cease fire, and you unload your weapon or shoot the bolt or otherwise make it unable to be fired, set it down and back away behind a line. A staff member walks by to make sure everyone's firearm is safe, and then people are free to walk out and put up or change targets, or just stare at them like I did with barely controlled glee. I hit something! If we were attacked by zombies I could marginally injure one of them! Go me!

The small black circles are stickers you can place over your shots after you've plugged the target too many times and can no longer tell which holes are new.

Clearly I was hitting low and to the right, but at least I was consistent. (Yes, I know how to correct for that. Now.)

As I was pop-popping along, Erin was setting up her rifle which, as it turned out, did not go pop so much as BOOM. She grinned happily at my expression and turned back to blast away and have a merrily violent time.

Ear protection is mandatory at the range, and really should be in place before you go near it. It's not the sound so much — which can be loud, sure, but I've been going to rock concerts every week and taking pictures from in front of the amplifiers — but the air pressure. After one of the breaks I forgot to put my left ear plug back in, once. Once. That ear is still ringing a bit, days later.

Some more of that and Erin asked if I wanted to try the 50-yard range. What the hell. If anything I did a little better (see the pic on the right).

It also helped that Erin added a bipod so it was easier to hold steady. I could barely see the thing even with the scope and couldn't clearly tell when I hit it, which for all I know helped.

My main problem, and the reason I was unable to get into a good rhythm, was that bullets kept jamming for me and I would have to eject every third one or so. Kind of annoying.

By the way, while I was doing this, Erin was calmly putting shot after shot in the circle, which is about the size of a CD, in her own target half a football field away.

Remember CDs?

Oh, did I mention this was in Florida last Saturday, a day that broke 9,000 temperature records across the country? We were slugging down water, toweling our faces and just generally suffering every time we slogged out to the target. Not a blistering heat, but a relentlessly oppressive one, so, you know, the perfect time to deal with heated gun barrels and hot flying bullet casings.

Erin gave me a big black sticker the size of the circle so I could cover all those shots and reuse the target. This is my final result.

I had to quit after about 2 hours, from the heat and the back ache from the unaccustomed muscle use and because my rifle was jamming steadily now. Erin let me fire her higher-powered rifle at her target (not pictured) while she worked on the other one, and I have to say I liked the Mosin-Nagan better. Much better scope, more accurate, a boom and kick that I admit I found highly satisfying in a purely atavistic way. Also, it has AVADA KEDAVRA painted on it.

In shooting, like with dating and produce selection, there's always something better out there. The guy next to Erin was firing his own weapon, a something-something with a polished wooden stock and, I assume, other cool stuff because she was openly eyeing it, and he let her fire a few rounds. It made an even louder boom, followed by her scream of "I want one!"

I left Erin there to keep going and I went to meet my son James, my brother-in-law Rodger and my friend Dan at Tony's Pizza in Deland to hydrate, blow my diet and brag about my exploits. Rodger, who owns several firearms and regularly hunted for food back in Indiana, politely praised my shooting. I expected that.

I didn't expect the young waitress who saw my iPhone pics and stood there for 10 minutes, holding our dishes and telling us about her own love of guns, her annual pass to the same shooting range, and calibres and gun models I couldn't possibly keep track of. That was just funny.

I think I'll be going back. I'm still not a gun fan, really, and I don't see myself learning firearm models and history and whatnot. But I am definitely a shooting fan, if that makes sense.

And zombies? Beware! Apparently I'm a better shot the farther away you are, possibly. Beware!

Marian Call performing at The Geek Easy in A Comic Shop in Winter Park, FL, Sept. 17, 2010, with guitarist Bryan Ray. This is an early version of "Good Morning Moon," now available for sale at mariancall.com . Try not singing along, I dare you.