"It's a good thing I was born a female, or I'd have been a drag queen." –Dolly Parton If you ever been in a state of such utter manic boredom that you were curious about what it might be like to spend time with my wife and me, all you have to do is run [...]
Read MoreMany American youngsters participating in federally funded, abstinence-only programs are being taught that abortion can lead to sterility and suicide, that half the gay male teen-agers in the United States have tested positive for the AIDS virus, and that touching a person's genitals "can result in pregnancy," a congressional staff analysis has found. I didn’t [...]
Read MoreTired of your friends bragging about the all-night strip poker game? Frustrated at all the fun adult games in novelty stores or porn shops, games with names like "Around the World in Bed" or "Between the Sheets" or "Shutes and Garters" or something? The ones with blurry-yet-sensual pictures of an impossibly handsome man and a [...]
Read MoreAre you famous? Can we watch you have sex? It's all the rage these days. Celebrities like Pamela Anderson, Paris Hilton, and Vince Neil have all seen their careers skyrocket after the public got a gander of their sexy shenanigans. Well, maybe not Vince Neil. Within minutes of the word getting out people all over [...]
Read MoreKiss her. A lot. Not while she's eating hot soup, though. You can never go wrong by helping her with chores, unless you screw it up, in which case you might as well just stay on the couch and supervise. Breasts are like rabbits. They're soft and love to be touched, but they'll run away [...]
Read More1. Pick one faith and stick with it. Dilettantism is the mark of the amateur. 2. Avoid needless embarrassment. Practice the correct pronunciation of your god's name in the privacy of your room before chanting it in public. Flash cards are often helpful. 3. Never invoke anything bigger then your head. 4. Avoid all cabalistic [...]
Read MoreMay is National Masturbation Month – although I wouldn't look for President Bush to act as Grand Marshall at the parade any time soon – and many of you have questions concerning this time-honored activity. Q: How old is masturbation? A: Anthropologists have kept it under wraps, but the fossilized remains of the 3.5 million [...]
Read MoreIt can take a long time to learn your lover's rhythms. Each person has their own inner beat, and nowhere (except for television channel changing) is it trickier to synchronize your tastes than in bed. Have you ever zigged when you should have zagged? Has your lover ever zagged when they were supposed to zig, [...]
Read MoreYou've seen the offers in your e-mail! You've gotten the piles of junk mail at your front door! You've seen the amazing offers televised as late night "local programming"! But now, for a limited time only, thanks to this website, you can get all these insider secrets for absolutely free! Jealously-guarded tips from the world's [...]
Read MoreAs a writer, the most common question I hear (after "Where do you get your ideas?" and "You actually wrote this crap? Why?") is "Where can I find the time to write?" In this busy world of two-income families, 40 hour work weeks, and 12 hour Seinfeld marathons, beginning writers struggle to carve out hallowed [...]
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