It's basically a mini version of the SDCC website, with a bit of interactivity. You get a countdown, the latest news (which opens the SDCC site in a browser instead of using RSS feeds or anything configured for an iPhone), a program list which allows you to select favorites (but not to call up a list consisting of only your favorites), a list of exhibitors, and maps of the different levels and exhibits. But the search function is only marginally useful, lists and the maps are not at all connected and the maps are simply graphics instead of Google-map-type programs.

All in all, a good first try. But it needs a LOT more interactivity to truly be useful. If I pull up an event, I want to be able to add it to my iPhone calendar, find it on an interactive map, and create a personal to do list. Hell, this is the iPhone, I should be able to select all the events and exhibitors and guests I'm interested in and be presented with a personal schedule with mapping directions to get me where I need to be, when I need to be there.

Maybe in the 2010 version.

All well and good. But when they updated why did they change the app's icon, which was cool and distinctive (see above left), into something that looks like an "I Can Read!" book? Clipart restrictions? Aiming at the children's iPhone market? Lost a bet? I don't recall offhand if the pro and free versions had different icons before so perhaps this is a way to make the difference more obvious, but jeez.

Now, things are getting tough again. And we could really use some cheap entertainment again…*

Enter "Steampunk Tales." This collection of 10 stories by award-winning authors takes you back to the days of Victorian inventors who never used muscle when a gear would do, and never met a piston they didn't like. Steam-powered computers, mechanical men, dirigibles and anything that can be thought up by a human mind and realized in brass, iron and leather.

As for the stories themselves – like in the original pulp magazines, some worked for me, some didn't. Some, like  "Project Moebius-5" and "Tempus Fugit," had great promise but ended abruptly and poorly. Some were experimental and had excellent passages, if not plots, like "The Anachronist's Cookbook" and "The Man and the Robot." "Benedice Te" was a rollicking good adventure, "A Grain of Sand" was a decent inventor's tale, and the world of "The Reanimation Emporium" is one I'd like to read more stories about. One or two of the rest I didn't finish, but overall it wasn't a bad evening spent.

"Steampunk Tales" will be published monthly, and will only be available for the iPhone or iPod Touch. Once the 3.0 OS comes out, you'll be able to order new issues from within the app. Just $1.99.

* OK, yes, "cheap" doesn't include the pricve of the iPhone/iPod Touch itself, but work with me, here.

And yet, even with the amazing time-wasting bonanza available to me through the iTunes store — and that's not even counting the new world open to me if I ever hold my breath and jail-break the thing — there are still whole categories of applications I can't find. So, with a hopeful hint to restless programmers who just need a direction, here are the apps I want.

RealTip

I want to enter the total of my dinner and get the amount of the tip. But, and this is important, only after I check off boxes to describe my waitperson's performance, which would then positively or adversely affect the amount of the gratuity. Did she smile and remember everything, but spill ketchup on my wife's head? Was the food present, warmer than room temperature, and more or less on the plate? Were we treated to unwanted dinner theater involving our waiter and his ex-girlfriend-who-still-lives-with-him? Were we left waiting less than the time it would have taken to hunt, kill, and prepare the food ourselves? RealTip should take it all into account and give me a total I can live with.

GeoPerv

Not sure about your new neighbor? Shivering whenever you walk by your new babysitter? Wondering why your date seems so creepy? Snap a surreptitious pic of him and GeoPerv will instantly compare it to the local sexual offenders database (determined by geolocation) and "To Catch a Predator" reruns.

Burning Ear

Automatically IMs you (through Twitter or txt message) whenever anyone in your contact list is talking or typing about you through their iPhone. You can add optional alarm levels triggered by specific user-chosen keywords such as "hot," "skanky," "best friend I ever had," or "I'm willing to turn state's evidence."

RefreshCards

A random photo slideshow that can pop up photos of your family and friends, along with names and pertinent information, whenever you've been using your iTouch long enough to have forgotten all about them. Example: "Teresa. Your wife. Mother of your children. You love her. She's probably sitting right next to you."

Dudeware

This handy app can be set to selectively hide, with a stroke, any media on your iPhone that you don't want your friends to know you like such as musical soundtracks, flower wallpapers or your rented download of "27 Dresses."

HolyGround

When you're being chased by angry vampires, you don't have time to dash about, hoping to stumble onto a temple or a church graveyard. This Google Maps mashup will quickly determine where you are and display every chunk of consecrated ground within running distance, with optional icons for caches of holy water and communal wafers.

Gang Signs

How do I signify my approval of an exceptionally vicious banger? What gesture will get me beaten up, and which one will cause the gang leader to loan me his girlfriend? What do I do to get through downtown LA at 3 in the morning? Gang Signs helps you learn the motions, hand gestures, and arm contortions for every major gang in the U.S. (with regional variations) and even uses motion detection to tell you if you're doing it wrong before the Bloods get their hands on you. Coming soon: add-ons for international gangs, mafioso, rappers and ASL.

BillWaiter

Once you create your profile by selecting your creditors from the provided list — power, phone, cable, credit cards, mortgage, etc — BillWaiter will create a personalized bill payment schedule for you that takes into account which bills can safely be stalled and for exactly how long, to the day, compiled from other users who are so far still out of jail. Includes lists of which companies can be fooled with the "sending an empty envelope" trick and which ones cannot.

Spoiler Alert

This handy app analyzes and blocks any and all Web sites, blog entries and Twitter feeds that might inadvertantly tell you more of your selected TV shows, books and movies than you really want to hear. "Spoiler Alert" is free; "Spoiler Alert Pro" can detect conversations around you and emit a piercing, 120db horn blast to allow you safe and oblivious escape.

APPrehend

Immediately cuts off your access to iTunes whenever you fiddle with your apps too much. Add one more app over the preset level and your menu will be replaced with a flashing "knock it off, already" message and a picture of an exhausted iPhone.

What do you want to see on the iPhone? What do you wish you had never seen?

Times are tough, and even free gifts might be too a little too much for your strained budget. Fortunately, I can help.

Depression Gifts allows you to send economy-appropriate presents to your friends. Pencils, apples, sticks, and more easy-to-afford items are available, with more coming. Your friends will appreciate the thought and your wallet will appreciate the break.

Depression Gifts. Available wherever lots of sad-looking people stand in line, in black and white.

“What? Mr. Jenkins, you’ve never complained about my work before.”

“Your job performance is fine, Paul, that’s not the problem.”

“Our company won awards for my work this year!”

“No, Paul, it seems the problem lies in your people skills.”

“What?”

“It’s here in your file. There have been issues with how you deal with those around you, and we take that sort of thing seriously at this company.”

“Someone complained about me? Who complained about me?”

“I really can’t divulge—“

“Just tell me. Was it Lucille? Did she complain about me? Anyone could have dropped the mustard bucket on her at the picnic, it was just dumb luck I happened to be—“

“No, it wasn’t Lucille, I can tell you that much.”

“Then who?”

“Let’s just say there are people in your network who are unhappy with how you deal with them.”

“How I—I barely deal with anybody, I usually stay to myself. Heh, about the only time I see anyone I recognize is on my Facebook page…”

“Yes, well.”

“…You’re kidding me.”

“I did say in your network.”

“Someone has complained about how I treat them on Facebook?”

“Apparently you’re a bit more open with your feelings on that odd little social connection Web site you've joined.”

“Right. So, without giving me names, can you tell me just what horrible crime I’ve committed?”

“Let’s see.. you, ah… yes, here it is. You, ahem, ‘served a bowl of pain to his Zombie Mogul’ on numerous occasions. He’s claiming grievous persecution and discrimination.”

“What?”

“He appended a printout of your mini-feed, demonstrating that you attacked him disproportionately to your other friends.”

“But that’s how you play, you go after the people you know you can beat to get the points. I wanted to get my Slayer to Undead Assassin level.”

“Quite.”

“What has that got to do with—“

“It also appears that even though, via Facebook, you allegedly consider this person to be a friend, you have never sent that ‘friend’ virtual gift, hug, smooch, flower, or cake.”

“But I—

“Somewhat antisocial for a social Web site, wouldn’t you say, Paul?”

“I don’t get into all that. I joined Facebook to keep track of my friends and coworders, not to pass around silly notes like kids in school!”

“And yet you don’t have a problem attacking your friends’ innocent vampires over and over again, do you, Paul?”

“Yeah, but that’s just…”

“I also note that your movie tastes do not align with any of your so-called ‘friends,’ nor do your political beliefs or joke preferences.”

“But—“

“Nor have you ever commented on your friends’ pictures, no matter how adorable or provocative. You have not left comments on anyone’s Wall, or sent any personal messages as far as can be determined. You join no groups. And you take insulting lengths of time to add new friends, even friends who are close to you, important in your life, and who would be distinguished additions to your network.”

“But… wait a minute, Mr. Jenkins. Did you file the complaint against me?”

“No, of course not. That’s absurd—“

“Was it because I didn’t add you right away, or was it because I wouldn’t join your “Mr. Jenkins is the Best Boss, Ever” group?”

“All I did was invite you, it was in no way obligatory.”

“You invited me every day for a month!”

“I wanted to make sure you knew about it.”

“Everyone knew about it, you put flyers for it in the paychecks. And someone kept calling my house at 2 in the morning and telling me I should join if I was a good American.”

“It’s really a fun group. We have meetings. And our own app that shows how high in my esteem you are at any given moment. And there’s a special avatar icon you can use.”

“You used a fake accent, but I could tell—“

“It’s much better than my last group, ‘Bow Before Mr. Jenkins, Your God.’ Although that one had way better T-shirts.”

“Mr. Jenkins, does my participation in your Facebook experience actually affect my job review?”

“Officially and legally, not in the slightest.”

“And unofficially?”

“If you reach around my desk to my keyboard, you can log in and join. Just click… there. Excellent! I’m sure you’ll be one of ‘Jenkins’ Jokers’ in no time!”

“Great. So, my review?”

“Yes, well, that brings up another issue.”

“Does it.”

“Oh, yes. This section of your employment record marked ‘MySpace’…”