Posts Tagged ‘celebs’

Bruce Willis has impressed me. I'm a fan anyway, but recently he was on David Letterman doing a bit about releasing his own "authorized" sex tapes, to make some money off them before they get stolen. Letterman produced a mockup of the video collection (vols. 1-4) which promised hours of never-before-seen footage and hilarious sex bloopers. Willis said it wasn't available through stores but was available through his site, brucewillis.com, by clicking on the picture of him naked, holding an umbrella. Funny stuff. So I went there. And the button is there. And when you click on it, you get… video of him on Letterman. Man's got a sense of humor, can't deny it. Pretty decent site, too, looks like he actually contributes to it. There are some music tracks I wanted to get by him in mp3 form, from the "Bruno" album (my old cassette died) and haven't been able to find online anywhere. Found 'em all here, for free. Thanks, Bruce!

No, I don't plan to do play-by-play on the latest trial of the century, nor do I have speculations about whether he did diddle children, if the accused's family is a bunch of crack-addicted greed-heads, or if everyone involved is guilty of something. However, I do admit to a personal interest in seeing Michael Jackson go to jail. I'm hoping he does hard time, hits the weights, gets a gang tattoo on his face, and comes out with a new music concept: Gangsta Pop. "I Just Did a Drive-By to Say I Love You" Half the music industry is in, has been in, or is heading to jail, this could be the next huge thing. Orange jumpsuits with bling and sequined prisoner numbers will become the next urban trend. Huge, I tell you. Huge.

With Special Guest Star Neil Gaiman!

The sweeps are here! It's that magical time of the year when television studios throw away their last shreds of self-restraint, dignity, and continuity to openly beg for viewers by promising extravaganzas, controversy, and bizarre plot twists. More than usual, I mean.

"Sweeps" refers to the time when a couple million randomly selected people across the country are asked to record what programs they're willing to publicly admit they watch. This information is then used by network affiliates to negotiate their ad rates. Of course, the networks quickly realized that those numbers could be artificially pumped up to fool advertisers into thinking that more people watched television than actually exist on Earth. This led to the practice of using sweeps to showcase the networks' most thoughtful and insightful shows.

Ha! No, seriously, this led to ridiculously over-hyped spectacles like sit-com weddings, gratuitous nude scenes, and Geraldo Rivera.

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It's no use. I've tried, over and over, for months now, but I just can't make myself care about Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. At least, not as a couple (which the media has dubbed "Bennifer," suggesting some sort of unholy surgical experiment gone horribly awry).

I'm interested in their movie careers. To be honest, I'm only vaguely interested in his — I like roughly half of the movies he's done, which isn't bad, considering — and I'm much less interested in hers, since to my knowledge I've never seen or even wanted to see any of her movies. But the current, to-the-minute state of their nuptials has less relevance to my day-to-day life than… well, anything, despite the media's best efforts. I'm surprised CNN didn't embed a reporter into the wedding party to report live from the field.

Why are we (and here I'm using 'we' to mean everybody except me, of course) so fascinated by this stuff? How does it affect your lives? Does hearing about a famous breakup make you feel better about yourself? Does it cheer you up to see a beloved star in a new love affair? Are you fueling your fantasies? Placing bets? What?

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