Short review: Meh.

Long review after the jump, where spoilers live.

Don't get me wrong, there were some great scenes, some good lines here and there, and it's always fun to see Enver be Topher. Mellie's death was touching, Boyd's end was perfectly fitting and still sad, and Amy Acker turns out to be a pretty convincing guy. But there were more disappointments than rewards here for me. The highlights:

Are we supposed to believe that Whiskey was Clyde while she was hiding with Boyd? (Not that there's anything wrong with that, but what happened to Claire?) Or are we to believe that she, out of all the possible bodies/dolls available, was spirited from LA all the way to the home office just so Clyde could have that body? Before this ep I had no sense she was anything but Dr. Saunders. And wouldn't Boyd be really pissed that Clyde emptied out Boyd's girlfriend and moved in?

Also, if she's Clyde now that means that once again Amy Acker's soul was wiped clean and replaced with an evil one. Except this time it happened off camera, so we didn't even get to see her go.

Didn't buy Boyd. He's been too rational, too intelligent, too moral up till now, and his sudden slip into crazytown seemed forced. Might have helped if he had shown a little desperation over trying to bring things to a head before the tech got out there. He had to have known how the others would treat him and his plans — he's been by far the most perceptive, empathic character on the show — so seeing him suddenly oblivious to how he had to have known they would take his plan was horribly forced. Couldn't he had tried to earnestly convince them? Maybe some anger, even? We were never even really told whom he was racing against. His own company? Other dollhouses? The government? Who?

(I did love how he "cracked" the door security, though )

Why no mention of Alpha? He clearly had the same physiological quirk as Caroline. Was he an early test that went wrong?

I was wincing through the spinal fluid scene. She was moving around an awful lot for someone getting spinal taps. How was Echo not paralyzed afterward, much less doing the crouching tiger thing?

As soon as Paul and Mellie were sent off on their own I knew she'd be dying soon. (Me, if I were Ballard I'd have been screaming "There are three flowers in a vase! The first flower is red! No, dammit, um, second flower! Second flower!")

No problems with the Adelle or Topher scenes, or Priya and Anthony.

The lower budget was also more apparent here, much more so than in previous episodes. Bashing the server coolers was unimpressive, the explosion looked more like the Buffy high school greenscreen blowup (complete with running star in front) and we didn't even get an exterior visual, no smoke, nothing, just the tired heroes reacting and suddenly Echo/Caroline appearing casually on the sidewalk.

But this is mostly nitpicking and open to opinion. What really bugged me, what I found unforgiveable about this episode, was that we had this big buildup over integrating Caroline back with Echo. It's been the undercurrent for the whole season. Would Echo die? Would Caroline fight for control? Would they integrate, come to terms, become a new third person? How would this show, which has produced some of the most brilliant and subtle examinations of what it means to be human, deal with Echo's sacrifice to bring Caroline back? What would we learn about the self, the soul?

Nothing, actually. What we got was a somewhat harsher Echo, a Caroline with skillz, and no real sign of which one, both or neither was in there.

I'm sorry, I was expecting something huge, like the superBuffy fighting Adam with ease at the end of S4 or the dramatic "everyone's a Slayer" end of S7. I expected a mental battle of wills or some sign that she's more than she was before. I wanted to see that even though she's the result of Boyd's machinations that she's become more than he expected, more than he could plan for. I wanted to see Echo's worst fear realized — Caroline back in full control of her body, Echo gone — and then see Caroline come to terms with the fact that Echo was needed for the mission, or (worse) that Echo was a better person. I wanted Caroline to sacrifice a little of herself to bring Echo back. I wanted to know that Echo and Caroline were working together, or maybe even that Caroline took over but then stepped aside to let Echo emerge for the good of the mission. Maybe Caroline is still Caroline, but there's some Echo in there guiding her. Or something better; this show has been amazing at twists that this jaded TV-watcher didn't see coming, I have no doubt they could come up with something believable, surprising, triumphant, tragic, and deeply emotionally satisfying.

What I got was her charging up and down empty halls, getting into fairly standard fights and muttering sullen defiance. Woo. She did absolutely nothing in this episode (other than supply spinal fluid) that couldn't have been done equally well by Anthony. There was no use of any of her other personalities/skills, no sign of warring minds, and no emotional payoff.

That's why I was disappointed.

I'm still looking forward to the final episode, "Epitaph Two," written by "Epitaph One" writers Maurissa Tancharoen and Jed Whedon, and Andrew Chambliss. But this one, despite some excellent bits, was a letdown.

Chronicling the hilarious on- and offline lives of a group of Internet role-playing gamers, the Knights of Good, The Guild has become a cult hit and is the winner of numerous awards from SXSW, YouTube, Yahoo, and the Streamys. Now Day brings the wit and heart of the show to this three-issue miniseries. In this origin tale of the Knights of Good, we learn about Cyd's life before joining the guild, how she became Codex, and how she began to meet the other players who would eventually become her teammates. This storyline fills in details never before revealed on the web show, making it a delightful new chapter for existing fans as well as a perfect jumping-on point for new fans!

(Pictured is the Georges Jeanty cover; you can also order the Cary Nord one.)

***

With the passing of a show comes the chance for picking up momentoes. FOX is auctioning off Dollhouse props and costumes. Get dresses and shoes from Echo, Bennett and Adele, a suit from Ballard, Adele's tea set, Topher's sneakers, an all-access pass to the Rayna concert from "Stage Fright"… Lots of great stuff from what has become a truly amazing show.

***

Finally, we discover what the iPhone was made for: taking Samuel L. Jackson wherever you go.

There have been lots of celebrity apps — Pink, Kevin Smith — but they all shared a similar problem. They talk to you. They tell you just what the celebrity is doing or saying or simply wanting you to know. But with iSamJackson you finally get someone on your side, making you cooler by extension than you ever would be without him.

OK, frankly if this was anyone but Sam Jackson it wouldn't work. But it is, and it does.

'So Fox decreed that they should be paid more for their programming based on the innovative business model "We Want More Money For The Same Product Because We're Pretty Sure We Can Make You Do It."And Time-Warner (and locally, their Bright House partner or affiliate or henchman or whatever the relationship is) is resisting, based on their own tried and true business model, "We Ain't Paying You Jack."

Meanwhile, millions of affected customers are fearfully watching the two monsters battle, crushing buildings in their wake, with only one terrified thought: "Am I going to miss the Sugar Bowl because of these idiots?"

In a nutshell, Fox wants money for its previously free programming. Time-Warner (and locally their partner Bright House) doesn't want to pay. Both mega-companies have been flooding the local airwaves, TV and newspapers with ads claiming the people are on their side and demand that the other party to back down.

Personally, I'm not too bothered by the Fox/Time Warner smackdown and wouldn't be affected if Fox disappeared from my TV. I'm not a football fan, most of their programming actively bothers me, and I can watch the last episodes of Dollhouse on Fox.com, Hulu.com, or get 'em from iTunes a day later. Worst case scenario, I have to wait til summer and buy the DVD set. That's about it for me and Fox-owned shows these days, although I have plenty of friends who would miss Glee and Fringe. (Note that FOX News would not be affected, dammit)

But hey, guys? The people are not on your side. Honest. We distrust both of you more or less equally. We know that you are not providing us with entertainment out of the goodness of your hearts, and that you need to stay profitable to do what you do. However you work that out is fine by us, but we know already that no matter what happens, our rates will go up. We are not your friends or your grassroots army. Please stop trying to rally us as a way to bully the other guy. Just work it out, let us know what the hike will be and let's move on with our lives.

Be sure to read the rest of my column, which suggests ways to make do without Fox. It's surprisingly easy, something both companies might want to think about.

We love Dollhouse. And we know from Buffy and Firefly that Joss Whedon fans are across-the-board smart, insightful, and involved.

So we’ve teamed up with Jane Espenson, Dollhouse writer and Mutant Enemy veteran, to put out an essay anthology on Dollhouse composed entirely of fan-written essays. Everyone, novice to seasoned writer, is eligible to enter; the only requirement is that you are fan of Dollhouse!

Write a great essay on Dollhouse, send it to us, and your essay could be published in a Smart Pop book edited by Jane.

They'll be using 18 fan-written essays, but one grand prize winner will get $1000!  Three first prize winners will get $250 and the remaining fourteen will get $100.  Not bad for doing what you[re already doing for free at Whedonesque.

Deadline is February 1, 2010. Check the SmartPop site for details and rules.

Written for the "A Thank You for Dollhouse" book compiled of fan messages for the cast and crew of Joss Whedon's "Dollhouse." The book was delivered Friday night, Dec. 4, just as we were watching two of the best episodes of the season so far.

On sale at eBay, 7 of these limited-edition Dollhouse etchings engraved on aluminum.

Made exclusively for San Diego Comic Con 2009 and Limited to 250 pieces.
Don't fall asleep and miss out on your only chance to own this very unique piece of art.

This is not a poster, it is a shiny engraved piece of aluminum.
Photos do not truly convey this stunning piece of art.  Details follow:

Eliza Dushku as Echo. Eliza Dushku as Caroline. Eliza Dusku as…
Coated Aluminum Etching
Artwork size: 12"x24"
Image(s) are mounted on black foam core and ready for framing.

$50 each, plus shipping. There's a video on the page to give you a better idea of what the engraving looks like. Click here to check it out.

Beginning on August 14, join fans around the world in watching two episodes of Dollhouse back-to-back every Friday, a six-week communal re-watch of Season One in its entirety.

If you tweet about it while you watch (and you really should) add #dollhouse so others can follow along. Live international commentary, anyone?

The program schedule is up at watchdollhouseweek.com and it's set so that you'll finish the unaired 13th episode "Epitaph One" just before the premiere of season two.

Check watchdollhouseweek.com for more details.

The winner by vote is Mike Mueller, for "Because I have a perfectly good see-saw that's just sitting there. It's just sad."

And the random choice winner is David Pickett! (His entry, for the curious, was  "So i could talk to myself without looking crazy.")

Congratulations gentlemen, and thanks to every who participated! And a big thank you to Scott Neumyer from Click Communications for letting me do this.

If you didn't get one here, fret not. The Dollhouse Season One DVD hits the streets next Tuesday. All 13 episodes (including the unaired "Epitaph One")  and the unaired pilot, "Echo," plus commentaries, deleted scenes and tons of features. See my mini-review here.  Preorder it at Amazon for the best price: at the moment, $29.99 for the regular one, $47.99 for Blu-Ray.

Since Saturday there's been a graphic on BashingInMinds.com leading you to vote for the entries you liked, but the link was wrong. You could still find where to vote by searching or scrolling through posts or from my Twitter posts about it, but visitors to the site wouldn't find it easily.

The link has been fixed, and so I'm adding an extra day until closing the voting. Here's where to go. I apologize for any inconvenience.

"Remains" was written and performed by "Dollhouse" writers Maurissa Tancharoen & Jed Whedon (who also wrote the script for this episode) and released on their "Nervous Circus" label. And it's gorgeous.

"Epitaph One," which was supposed to premiere at the San Diego Comic-Con next week, was leaked to the torrents last week along with the unaired pilot. You're on your own finding it, but if you do download it please buy it anyway when it comes out on the 28th. You'll also get commentary on two episodes, lots of deleted scenes, and several hefty features. Order it from Amazon for just $31.99!

burn down my home
my memories hardened in the brightest chrome
good times escape
while every mistake seems to be caught on tape…

And if you haven't yet voted for the winner of the Dollhouse Season One DVD set, please do! Ten entries were chosen for you to select from, and one random winner from all the entries will also be chosen. Vote!