Posts Tagged ‘drink’

So, went to the doctor today. Overall cholesterol still good and well within the safe range, but good cholesterol isn't as high as it should be. He's suggested other things before such as fish oil and walnuts and whatnot, and today he mentioned the report that a daily glass of red wine can improve cholesterol and help lessen the chance for heart disease.

I'm willing to try most anything, except… I don't drink. Not because I have anything against it, I just really hate the taste of alcohol in any amount. While sampling some with friends I managed to find combinations of fruit juice and sangria that were palatable — essentially an extremely weak homemade wine cooler — and a friend introduced me to ice wine one night that was as good as any I've had, but for the most part I've been disinterested in finding ways to stomach something I didn't really want anyway. "The winter grapes add a rich overtone to this kerosene…"

But if it does in fact help my health, I'm willing to give it a shot. Which beings me here, with a question. What should I try?

Ideally I'd want something that resembled a strong sweet fruit juice, with as little alcohol taste as possible. Recent reports from the UK suggest that sherry also has the cholesterol-lowering properties, although not the lowering-heart-disease ones, and that might be an option. And it can't be a budget-breaker.

Any suggestions?

Just recently, Pepsi announced a new low-carb creation, Pepsi Edge. Pepsi Edge is guaranteed to contain half the sugar, carbohydrates, and calories of the popular soft drink, thereby eliminating dangerous and unhealthy sources of taste. This innovative marketing strategy is now poised to join the low-carb landslide already rolling merrily along with Subway's new wraps, Hardee's new breakfast bowl, and McDonald's new policy of not selling food to fatties for fear of litigation.

Will Coke drinkers everywhere drop their cans to embrace the new "healthy" Pepsi Edge? The ones in the Atkins cult will, because after you've survived on water and green tea concentrate for a few weeks you'd be willing to guzzle down almost anything with the word "carb" on the label.

But devout, patriotic Coke drinkers such as myself would never fall for such a pathetic, jump-on-the-bandwagon ploy. Fortunately, by an amazing, one-in-a-million coincidence, Coca-Cola is also testing a new low-carb version, code-named Coke Ultra. This is not to be confused with the new low-carb Michelob Ultra, currently locked in pitched battle with Coors' new low-carb Aspen Edge, although you'd think the marketers could have thought of new names.

I'm a veteran of these kinds of skirmishes. My father was a salesman for Coca-Cola for many long years and nothing else was permitted in the house. Even water was suspect in those dark, pre-Dasani days and my loyalties were quickly engrained. From an early age I could identify any brand blindfolded, a trick I performed for elderly relatives. Our constant supply of Cokes also became my first regular income since Dad often forgot about the stacks of crates piling up in the garage and the corner store would pay me for the empties. I'm a firm believer in recycling if it gets me comic books and Slurpees.

So go ahead, ask me anything.

Will the new low-carb drinks be healthier?

"Healthier" is such a subjective term. They will indeed have fewer carbs than the regular brands, and that's all that matters. Their ability to clean corrosion from car battery posts will remain intact.

What about Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi? They don't have any carbs, sugar, or calories. Why not just push them?

Silly reader! These new products will be infinitely more refreshing because they'll have new theme songs.

Doesn't this kind of arms race, fad marketing dilute the brands and weaken sales on the flagship drinks?

Of course not. Sure, Coca-Cola has created Coke, New Coke (now Coke II), Coke Classic, Cherry Coke, Caffeine-Free Coke, Diet Coke, Coca-Cola Light, Coca-Cola Light with Lemon, Vanilla Coke, Vanilla Coke with Lemon, Diet Coke with Lemon, Diet Coke with Lime, Diet Coke with Vodka, and Cherry Coke with Vanilla, Lemon, Lime, Another Cherry, and a Twist of Radish, but no one ever buys them. They're just there so Pepsi can't get any shelf space.

What about that New Coke fiasco, anyway?

We will never speak of it again.

Isn't it obvious Coke and Pepsi are just copying each other, over and over?

I don't know what you mean. Tab came out whole months after Diet Pepsi, and Coke's caffeine-free version came out a year later than Pepsi Free. Oh, sure, Coke's music download site (mycokemusic.com) also debuted soon after Pepsi hooked up with iTunes.com. But Coke was here first, so that doesn't count. Remember, Coke is the soft drink of America! Also India, Russia, and a good chunk of the rest of the world.

Aren't all soft drinks bad for you?

Of course not! Judging from the commercials alone I'd have to say that Coke straightens teeth, adds luster to your hair, improves your tan, increases the size of your… Well, yes, frankly, they are. But Coke is the best one and I wouldn't dream of shortening my life with any other. Ignore Pepsi's feeble attempt at fad capitalization!

Wait for Coke's. It'll be along soon.

Of all the bills introduced in this year's assorted legislatures, the one whose failure I most regret is not about budgetary concerns, medical malpractice, or smoking bans. It was about something far more important to the Southern citizen than any of those: sweet tea.

Georgia state Rep. John Noel and four co-sponsors introduced House Bill 819, which would have required all Georgia restaurants that serve tea to serve sweet tea. They weren't entirely serious, although Noel admitted he wouldn't mind if it became law. The bill would have made failure to serve sweet tea (as defined in section (a)) a 'misdemeanor of a high and aggravated nature.'

To the best of my knowledge this did not become law, which is too bad, as I would have pushed for a matching bill to be introduced here next year. I might suggest bumping it up to a felony, however. Next year would be the ideal time to propose pro-sweet tea legislation, as it marks the 100th anniversary of the 1904 World's Fair at which iced tea was first popularized. Even then, dumping ice in your drink was nothing noteworthy, but on a sweltering day in St. Louis (a southern city) a man named Richard Blechynden presided over a tea pavilion filled with piping hot drinks that nobody wanted. Desperate, he poured his tea over ice. It caught on, in a big way, and now rare indeed is the Southern restaurant that doesn't offer it by the pitcherful. South Carolina (a southern state) even adopted it as their state beverage.

Northerners don't understand sweet tea. They just don't. When I was in New York City I tried ordering some everywhere I went and got only blank stares, like I had ordered coffee with extra brine. More often than not I would hear the casual, uninformed, misguided dismissal every sweet-tea-drinker dreads: "You can just add sugar to it."

You poor, misguided fools. It doesn't work that way.

The sugar must be added during the brewing process so it melts instead of pooling in the bottom like mud, leaving bitter, unsweetened tea above. It must be served in a half-gallon-sized glass, with a straw. It must have plenty of ice. It must be brewed, not squirted from a fountain or mixed from a powder or poured from a can. And it must — I cannot stress this enough — it must have free refills.

The division between Southern tea and Northern tea is so marked that I wonder if there's a geographical element to it. Maybe the magic wears off at the Mason-Dixon line. Perhaps the need for sugar increases as you get closer to the equator. In Brazil the No. 1 drink of choice (after beer) is cachaca, a liquor made from distilled sugar cane juice, which explains the boundless energy of the Brazilian. Also Carnival.

But sweet tea is far beyond a mere pleasing drink or a simple method of ingesting a pound of sugar. It is nature's best defense against crippling heat prostration. You should be able to get medic alert bracelets for it. 'In case of heat stroke: one large glass, no lemon.'

Sucrosinated water steeped in dried leaves has helped me maintain my residency. One might think that after living in Central Florida for 36 years I would have become accustomed to hot weather. One would be laughably wrong.

My air conditioning kicks in halfway through March, as soon as the temperature outside approaches the hellish blast of 74 degrees. No one in my family is really an 'outdoors' person, except for that brief time in the spring when the temperature is just right, when the sun is warm but not hot, the breeze is cool but not cold, the humidity is negligible, and gentle rains are refreshing instead of flooding DeBary. I believe it happened on a Thursday this year.

Otherwise our outdoors experience is limited to the sprinted distance from the house to the car, and the "upholstered oven" effect of the car is suffered only because we know that wherever we go, there will be a cool drink waiting, properly prepared. That's because we simply don't go anywhere that does not have access to our preferred beverage.

During the summer navigating by sweet tea restaurants becomes a life-saving measure. We've been known to swing miles out of our way to go to stores located near a Chik-Fil-A or across the street from Sonny's BBQ. You may have a fine store, loaded with excellent merchandise at reasonable prices, but if it's stranded in a part of town that lacks convenient sources of sweet tea, such as a Long John Silver's, you will not benefit from our business. Sorry. When you want to make money in the desert, you need to be near the oasis.

Waitresses at our regular stops have learned to anticipate us and rush brimming glasses of sugary elixir to our table before we even get out of the car. They are angels of mercy, one and all, and should be honored right alongside paramedics, firemen, and whoever invented "Deep Woods Off."

Would this happen up north? I think not. It might even be possible that our predilection for sweet tea is a contributing factor to the relaxed, laid-back nature of the true Southerner. I'll be happy to assist anyone with a research grant that cares to investigate this theory, especially if you also provide biscuits.

So get out your petitions and signs and be ready for next year's legislation on a truly worthy cause. I'll tip my glass to you.