Which is good, because Teres and I both love to swim and it's good for you. But I haven't bought of pair of swim trunks for many fashion cycles now –  jean shorts, which aren't allowed at our Y — have served me well for decades now, and I'm at a loss. What to buy?

Last time, years back, the style was for fairly short shorts that now, compared to the usual knee-length versions I see around me, make me look like a pervert who's temporarily misplaced his trenchcoat, and this is not the image I wish to portray (we'll leave the accuracy of it alone for a moment). But should I get the knee-length ones?

According to eHow.com, hell no:

Pass on the board shorts if you are big in the belly. These have a tendency to hang low under the gut emphasing it more than you want.

As I resemble an albino manatee, they recommend something called "volley" shorts, in dark colors, no stripes, all cotton, possibly with warning buoys to ward off speeding motorboats.

Personally I kinda like the old-fashioned look (see above), but only if I can find a straw hat to go with it. What do you think? What should a fat man wear to the pool?