The transition screen recommends you set your privacy settings to "Everyone" and helpfully preselected that for you in every instance, no matter what your previous settings were. You can, of course, select your old settings again and go about your merry, but many users won't bother or won't understand and will unknowingly leave themselves open to identity theft and other nasty things as their personal info gets spread across the land.

Well, yeah.

That was almost certainly Facebook's hope. They want more stuff to be open to all searchers. The more easily findable content there is, the more valuable Facebook is to advertisers. And your Wall comments going public means they can take on Twitter in the highly competitive unprofitable-online-chattering field. They want money, they do, and are in the business of procuring more of it. Granted, it's a bit cheesy to default everyone to the most open and unprivate settings possible — better to leave everyone's settings as they were and then let people open up if they wish — but if FBers don't read the rules they can't really complain when they lose the game.

What does bug me (and the Electronic Frontier Foundation and the ACLU) about the new policies are a) some of my profile info is now public whether I want it to be or not, and b) applications can access my info, even if I'm not using them (as long as one of my friends is) and spread it about.

The first might seem harmless. Your name will be out there, can't help that, but what's ther problem with your friend list or your fan pages? Turns out you can tell an awful lot about a person by the people they friend, and while I don't join anything I'd be ashamed of, for many people having your boss notice you're a member of, say, Closeted Gay and Heavily Armed Time Bombs With Bigoted Employers could cause problems in the break room.

And applications being able to access and distribute my data without my OK just makes men hate those endless quizzes and repetitive points games even more, which I would have bet was impossible if in so doing it wouldn't immediately add the bet to my status.

So the very first thing I did, after clicking Old Settings for everything, was to hit Settings > Privacy Settings and go over them with a fine-tooth mouse. Then I went into my profile and did the only thing I could to prevent some data from getting scooped by unscrupulous scammers looking for identity theft info: I removed it. If Facebook won't let me hide info, Facebook doesn't get to look at it either.

The only real answer when it comes to guarding sensitive information online is to not put sensitive information online. It would be nice if companies would actually safeguard it for you but when it comes down to the nitty-gritty they are companies, and they are not there for you.

Here's a quick rundown of what the new privacy settings mean:

Times are tough, and even free gifts might be too a little too much for your strained budget. Fortunately, I can help.

Depression Gifts allows you to send economy-appropriate presents to your friends. Pencils, apples, sticks, and more easy-to-afford items are available, with more coming. Your friends will appreciate the thought and your wallet will appreciate the break.

Depression Gifts. Available wherever lots of sad-looking people stand in line, in black and white.

This has resulted in some bad publicity for Facebook and a new group, "Hey Facebook, Breastfeeding in Public is not Obscene" which quickly grew to over 90,000 members, 11,000 comments, and over 3,000 breastfeeding photos (along with paintings of Madonna and Child, and a few Hooters pics that snuck in there). In the face of this public outcry and public picketing, will Facebook change its TOS to accommodate such images, which it says violates their no-aureole policy?

Probably not. (Although shouldn't that mean that BF pictures that are aureoleless are OK?) But as long as we're removing images from Facebook that are patently offensive to the eye, I'd like to suggest they take care of the following:

– Guys with hairy backs, wearing thongs.

– Any "cute dog" picture, especially involving costumes, where the poor animal is clearly begging for death's sweet release.

– Women with hairy backs, wearing thongs.

– Photoshopped images of Sarah Palin. That ship has sailed, my friend.

– Pictures of injuries, abcesses, running sores, open wounds, or gangrenous feet posted with a "hey, check this out" message.

– Dangerously ugly people. You know who you are.

– Profile pics cranked out by the latest make-your-own-avatar fad in the forms of anime characters, elves, M&Ms, vampires, or rotting pirates that look just like the other 3,000,000 avatars that everyone else made.

– Pictures of drunken hijinks, unless the person involved is attractive enough to overcome the stigma of red eyes, slack jaws, goofy grins, and dried vomit. Very few people are.

– Any vacation pics where the person in frame is cleverly positioned so that it appears he or she is holding up a massive monument. Honestly, we're all rooting for the monument to fall and crush you. Seriously.

– Any profile photo made "artsy" by the application of a single, apparently random Photoshop filter.

– Any picture of a person with a design shaved into their hair, at any location.

– Pictures of your adorable children doing something that would get a grownup put in prison.

– Any topless man boasting more than a B cup.

So, Facebook, as long as you're being arbiters of good taste, let's get on these, OK? Any one of them — or, shudder, any combination — is far more offensive to me than an infant suckling at a mother's breast.

“What? Mr. Jenkins, you’ve never complained about my work before.”

“Your job performance is fine, Paul, that’s not the problem.”

“Our company won awards for my work this year!”

“No, Paul, it seems the problem lies in your people skills.”

“What?”

“It’s here in your file. There have been issues with how you deal with those around you, and we take that sort of thing seriously at this company.”

“Someone complained about me? Who complained about me?”

“I really can’t divulge—“

“Just tell me. Was it Lucille? Did she complain about me? Anyone could have dropped the mustard bucket on her at the picnic, it was just dumb luck I happened to be—“

“No, it wasn’t Lucille, I can tell you that much.”

“Then who?”

“Let’s just say there are people in your network who are unhappy with how you deal with them.”

“How I—I barely deal with anybody, I usually stay to myself. Heh, about the only time I see anyone I recognize is on my Facebook page…”

“Yes, well.”

“…You’re kidding me.”

“I did say in your network.”

“Someone has complained about how I treat them on Facebook?”

“Apparently you’re a bit more open with your feelings on that odd little social connection Web site you've joined.”

“Right. So, without giving me names, can you tell me just what horrible crime I’ve committed?”

“Let’s see.. you, ah… yes, here it is. You, ahem, ‘served a bowl of pain to his Zombie Mogul’ on numerous occasions. He’s claiming grievous persecution and discrimination.”

“What?”

“He appended a printout of your mini-feed, demonstrating that you attacked him disproportionately to your other friends.”

“But that’s how you play, you go after the people you know you can beat to get the points. I wanted to get my Slayer to Undead Assassin level.”

“Quite.”

“What has that got to do with—“

“It also appears that even though, via Facebook, you allegedly consider this person to be a friend, you have never sent that ‘friend’ virtual gift, hug, smooch, flower, or cake.”

“But I—

“Somewhat antisocial for a social Web site, wouldn’t you say, Paul?”

“I don’t get into all that. I joined Facebook to keep track of my friends and coworders, not to pass around silly notes like kids in school!”

“And yet you don’t have a problem attacking your friends’ innocent vampires over and over again, do you, Paul?”

“Yeah, but that’s just…”

“I also note that your movie tastes do not align with any of your so-called ‘friends,’ nor do your political beliefs or joke preferences.”

“But—“

“Nor have you ever commented on your friends’ pictures, no matter how adorable or provocative. You have not left comments on anyone’s Wall, or sent any personal messages as far as can be determined. You join no groups. And you take insulting lengths of time to add new friends, even friends who are close to you, important in your life, and who would be distinguished additions to your network.”

“But… wait a minute, Mr. Jenkins. Did you file the complaint against me?”

“No, of course not. That’s absurd—“

“Was it because I didn’t add you right away, or was it because I wouldn’t join your “Mr. Jenkins is the Best Boss, Ever” group?”

“All I did was invite you, it was in no way obligatory.”

“You invited me every day for a month!”

“I wanted to make sure you knew about it.”

“Everyone knew about it, you put flyers for it in the paychecks. And someone kept calling my house at 2 in the morning and telling me I should join if I was a good American.”

“It’s really a fun group. We have meetings. And our own app that shows how high in my esteem you are at any given moment. And there’s a special avatar icon you can use.”

“You used a fake accent, but I could tell—“

“It’s much better than my last group, ‘Bow Before Mr. Jenkins, Your God.’ Although that one had way better T-shirts.”

“Mr. Jenkins, does my participation in your Facebook experience actually affect my job review?”

“Officially and legally, not in the slightest.”

“And unofficially?”

“If you reach around my desk to my keyboard, you can log in and join. Just click… there. Excellent! I’m sure you’ll be one of ‘Jenkins’ Jokers’ in no time!”

“Great. So, my review?”

“Yes, well, that brings up another issue.”

“Does it.”

“Oh, yes. This section of your employment record marked ‘MySpace’…”

I have a great idea. Original, startling, innovative. Guaranteed to get attention and maybe bring in some bucks. And I don't know where to talk about it.

I started to put it here where it would have the biggest audience, but froze when I realized that my MySpace page would have a broader reach. Then I backpaged and went to post it on my own Web site since anything major in my life should go there, even though I usually forget since the most major thing in my life is usually posting on a blog.

But wait, I've got a photo and a sketch. Should I Flickr it? Or put in on Facebook? Or DeviantArt? Should I post the artwork at ComicSpace.com? What about my LiveJournal, I haven't done much there recently and I think it needs hits every few months or it becomes a zombie page or something and goes out seeking other pages to devour.

Ooh, a podcast! I could record me talking about my idea which would, you know, somehow be more interesting than reading about it, even though my voice has been known to make cows dry up at twenty paces. Or, even better, I could film myself talking about my idea and put it on YouTube so people could see me in all my glory and, most likely, greenscreen me into a Toxic Avenger movie or The Phantom Menace or, possibly, both.

Or I could post it at any of the zillions of forums I frequent, where friends and enemies could argue and debate and help me develop it by supplying useful, detailed suggestions regarding the degree and intensity of my suckage.

An online petition, which I can then Digg and Slashdot and Fark and BoingBoing and Technoratize? Or maybe I should find someone to Wiki it for me…

No, no, I'm going about this totally wrong. This idea deserves its own Web page, with its own name and forum and viral marketing and logo and CafePress designs and everything. Press releases! Giveaways! Fan clubs!

That's it, I'm going with the new Web site. It deserves no less. You just wait until you see the debut of… of…

…I've forgotten my idea.

I may become a drinking man after all.