But as soon as I picked up a Palm Pilot and found I could read books on it, dozens, hundreds of books I could carry around with me at all times, I've never looked back. I was very loyal to Palm's eReader for as long as it lasted, holding off on upgrading to an Apple device until they had something at least as good. (They did: eReader ported over and I bought an iPod Touch soon after).

But after awhile eReader wasn't as supported anymore, and more and more books were in ePub format, and I grudgingly, reluctantly began using Stanza by Lexcycle. And I also found Calibre, an amazing ebook management tool that Stanza could seamlessly connect to and download from, and the combination was everything I wanted.

I am not exaggerating when I say that Stanza was the app I used most often on my iPhone. More than the other apps (including the phone itself) combined, and probably multiplied. I read a lot, everywhere, and this made it so very easy. Stanza was designed for readers. Not to be a storefront, not to locked you into any particular format or layout or ebook management program; it was designed to load a book and get the hell out of the way. That's all I wanted. It connected easily to online catalogs like Gutenberg and Baen, and even let me add my own catalogs from other URLs or my own Calibre library with a minimum of fuss and an absence of wires. I loved it.

I also am not exaggerating when I say that when I upgraded to iOS5 this morning, my displeasure at finding out that Stanza no longer works was epic, loud and very likely offensive in a family setting. Just error after error, no way to open a book, nothing. Imagine a heroin user being told that needles don't work any more and he'd have to find another way to get the stuff into his veins, and you'd have the general idea.

A quick Google search revealed this was a known problem among beta-testers and that there is very likely no update coming since a) Amazon bought Lexcycle and doesn't really have any motivation to improve their competing product and b) the developers no longer work for Amazon anyway. I hope I'm wrong and it updates anyway, but now I have to find another ebook reader, and this is going to be tough because I've tried them all as they come out and not a single one combines the features I want as elegantly as Stanza, an app that hasn't had a significant update in two years.

Here's what I want in my ereader (your mileage, obviously, will vary): Let me add books in a variety of ways, at least one without syncing. Let me connect to my Calibre library, or download from online catalogs. Let me adjust the layout — font, font size, line-height, margins — to my own comfort. Let me lock the orientation. Make it easy for me to find and sort my own books. Display ePubs, and whatever other formats you see fit. That's pretty much it. But how tough could it be?

Here are my other options:

iBooks. Sorry, a non-starter. The default ebook app that ships with the Apple OS, it displays your books on shelves, connects nicely to the Apple ebook store and makes the books look very pretty. Sadly, none of that is what I want. What it doesn't do is allow me to reduce that huge page margin I don't need, turn off right justification if the ebook designer wants it, change line-height, or lock orientation so it'll stop spinning on the screen as I move around. It won't go full screen, forcing me to waste reading space on icons, the name of the book, page edges and page numbers. And adding books is either through their store, through iTunes (meaning I have to sync every time) or through email. No. But the books sure do look pretty.

Kindle. Probably the ebook reading app I use almost as much as Stanza, mostly because some books are cheaper or only available in the Kindle store. It's not bad, although it's severely limited just because it can't read any format besides Amazon's proprietary one and now PDFs. Most of my ebooks — and I have thousands — are not in those formats. I can convert them with Calibre, but it's slow and not always attractive and many of them are DRMed (which isn't necessarily a problem, but that adds another step or two). Also: can't turn off justification, won't connect to other catalogs, won't connect to Calibre. The Kindle app will stay on my device, but it'll never be #1.

Nook. Nah. Can't add books except by buying them from B&N, adding them through the Nook app or by connecting the device and dropping them into a folder. Won't connect to Calibre, won't add through email. And not a lot of customization possible; 5 font sizes but no line-height or margin adjustment. Not bad, but not exciting or convenient enough.

Kobo. I'm a little confused about Kobo. Didn't it have a lot more options before? Customization isn't far off from the Nook's, which isn't surprising since I believe they use the same code. But I had thought it connected to free catalogs and other sources, and I'm not seeing that now unless I'm just missing it. I know they had to kill their store connection to comply with Apple's new "we want all your money" rules, but what about the rest?

Bluefire. A lot of regular Stanza readers have moved to Bluefire and I'll give it a try, but so far it's been crashing on me. When it doesn't, it's slow. Not a good beginning.

MegaReader. A strong contender so far. Displays more or less the way I like, connects to Calibre, connects to free catalogs, and even features a cool heads-up display by turning on your iPhone's front camera and making the page opaque (customizable) so you can see where you're going as you read. Of course I read while I walk, don't you? It's not perfect — the page doesn't quite go fullscreen (the iPhone's status bar is still visible), sorting by author just rearranges the whole list by author rather than giving you a list of authors, which you can then click on to see the books (a big advantage when you tend to carry a few hundred books with you), there's no way to jump straight to recent books added or read, and it can't add more than one book at a time from Calibre or do it in the background. But better for me than the rest, so far, and I've heard the developer is working on those features.

There are plenty of other readers I dismissed long ago, or haven't tried yet because I read about problems with them (I2Reader doesn't look bad but people have reported memory issues with large collections). And all of these ereaders have features Stanza did not. Kobo has a whole social aspect, iBooks lets you move books around on your shelves, others have different ways of adding notes and such.

But Stanza was a book reader's dream. From the superior way it managed large quantities of books — you could search by book, author, collection, subject, and recently read, with a quick-jump alphabet list on the side to speed things up — to the way you could adjust the brightness by running your finger up the page while you were reading, rather than having to go digging around in settings, to minor tweaks you wouldn't think of. One example: I like the page-turn effect. It's not a deal breaker — I didn't mention it at all in my lists — but it contributes to a pleasant you're-reading-a-book environment. Several of the ereaders above have it, and I turn it off in almost all of them because it's awkward or too slow and or too disruptive to my reading. Stanza not only had a smooth page curl effect but you could adjust the time it took. Whatever Stanza lacked it made up for in personal customization and convenience, and that was the part I want.

I'd love to hear suggestions for replacements, or reasons why I'm wrong, or ways to emulate Stanza functionality. And I hope I'm wrong and Stanza gets an update. For one thing I wouldn't have to reload 300 books on this thing.

R.I.P Stanza. We read a lot of good books together.

(Image from lexcycle.com)

Dark Horse GelaSkins are decorative coverings for phones and laptops featuring some of Dark Horse’s most popular properties, including "The Umbrella Academy," Yoshitaka Amano, Tim Burton, "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," "Hellboy," and many more. The special Dark Horse GelaSkins are scheduled to be released in August of this year and will be available to order from www.gelaskins.com. However, as an added bonus to San Diego Comic-Con attendees, a selective number of advance skins will be available for purchase at the Dark Horse booth # 2615.

The Dark Horse versions aren't available at gelaskins.com yet, but you should check out what they already have. Incredible artwork of all sorts. And you get a downloadable wallpaper with each one, so your screen can matches the exterior.

Gelaskins are very thin wraps for your portable device that offer protection without bulk, and add a touch of style to your day. Available for iPods, iPhones, Mac and PC laptops, phones, and portable gaming devices. And the artists get a cut of every one you buy. If you really like the art, you can buy a Giclee print of it!

Waiting for a SugarShock Gelaskin…

All well and good. But when they updated why did they change the app's icon, which was cool and distinctive (see above left), into something that looks like an "I Can Read!" book? Clipart restrictions? Aiming at the children's iPhone market? Lost a bet? I don't recall offhand if the pro and free versions had different icons before so perhaps this is a way to make the difference more obvious, but jeez.

And yet, even with the amazing time-wasting bonanza available to me through the iTunes store — and that's not even counting the new world open to me if I ever hold my breath and jail-break the thing — there are still whole categories of applications I can't find. So, with a hopeful hint to restless programmers who just need a direction, here are the apps I want.

RealTip

I want to enter the total of my dinner and get the amount of the tip. But, and this is important, only after I check off boxes to describe my waitperson's performance, which would then positively or adversely affect the amount of the gratuity. Did she smile and remember everything, but spill ketchup on my wife's head? Was the food present, warmer than room temperature, and more or less on the plate? Were we treated to unwanted dinner theater involving our waiter and his ex-girlfriend-who-still-lives-with-him? Were we left waiting less than the time it would have taken to hunt, kill, and prepare the food ourselves? RealTip should take it all into account and give me a total I can live with.

GeoPerv

Not sure about your new neighbor? Shivering whenever you walk by your new babysitter? Wondering why your date seems so creepy? Snap a surreptitious pic of him and GeoPerv will instantly compare it to the local sexual offenders database (determined by geolocation) and "To Catch a Predator" reruns.

Burning Ear

Automatically IMs you (through Twitter or txt message) whenever anyone in your contact list is talking or typing about you through their iPhone. You can add optional alarm levels triggered by specific user-chosen keywords such as "hot," "skanky," "best friend I ever had," or "I'm willing to turn state's evidence."

RefreshCards

A random photo slideshow that can pop up photos of your family and friends, along with names and pertinent information, whenever you've been using your iTouch long enough to have forgotten all about them. Example: "Teresa. Your wife. Mother of your children. You love her. She's probably sitting right next to you."

Dudeware

This handy app can be set to selectively hide, with a stroke, any media on your iPhone that you don't want your friends to know you like such as musical soundtracks, flower wallpapers or your rented download of "27 Dresses."

HolyGround

When you're being chased by angry vampires, you don't have time to dash about, hoping to stumble onto a temple or a church graveyard. This Google Maps mashup will quickly determine where you are and display every chunk of consecrated ground within running distance, with optional icons for caches of holy water and communal wafers.

Gang Signs

How do I signify my approval of an exceptionally vicious banger? What gesture will get me beaten up, and which one will cause the gang leader to loan me his girlfriend? What do I do to get through downtown LA at 3 in the morning? Gang Signs helps you learn the motions, hand gestures, and arm contortions for every major gang in the U.S. (with regional variations) and even uses motion detection to tell you if you're doing it wrong before the Bloods get their hands on you. Coming soon: add-ons for international gangs, mafioso, rappers and ASL.

BillWaiter

Once you create your profile by selecting your creditors from the provided list — power, phone, cable, credit cards, mortgage, etc — BillWaiter will create a personalized bill payment schedule for you that takes into account which bills can safely be stalled and for exactly how long, to the day, compiled from other users who are so far still out of jail. Includes lists of which companies can be fooled with the "sending an empty envelope" trick and which ones cannot.

Spoiler Alert

This handy app analyzes and blocks any and all Web sites, blog entries and Twitter feeds that might inadvertantly tell you more of your selected TV shows, books and movies than you really want to hear. "Spoiler Alert" is free; "Spoiler Alert Pro" can detect conversations around you and emit a piercing, 120db horn blast to allow you safe and oblivious escape.

APPrehend

Immediately cuts off your access to iTunes whenever you fiddle with your apps too much. Add one more app over the preset level and your menu will be replaced with a flashing "knock it off, already" message and a picture of an exhausted iPhone.

What do you want to see on the iPhone? What do you wish you had never seen?

Ah, but I was made of sterner stuff. No glitzy fadmachine for me! I was
perfectly content with my Palm TX, even if it didn't have fancy
bouncing animations or sophisticated motion detection or a koi pond
app. Mostly I used it to read ebooks, and since there wasn't a– What?
There are now three different ebook readers available for the iTouch?
Including the same one I use the most, eReader? And eReader.com and
Fictionwise and Baen Books all make it easy to download your books to
your iTouch? But, but, but…

It began to haunt my dreams. So
cool, so tempting. Slim, silver, comfortable to the hand. Maybe I could
just try one, see if I like it? But the prohibitive (for me) price kept
me a safe distance away. I'd stop by the locked white counter in Target
or idly click around Amazon just in case the iTouch price inexplicably
dropped to $50, but no luck. (Always the iTouch, by the way. My cell
plan is firmly locked in Verizon's vaults, guarded by that oddly bland
guy with glasses and his crowds and helicopters, so the iPhone is dead
to me.) And then I saved some money, and got some more for Christmas,
and "I really really want one" was sounding more and more justifiable,
and the gleaming white die was cast.

I chose the Apple store for
my conversion. The thing never goes on sale so it hardly mattered where
or when I bought it. (Yes, I could have ordered from store.apple.com
and saved the tax, but that would have taken days! Whole days!)
Besides, it just seemed right, and I knew I would be welcomed among
friends, possibly even given handfuls of flowers to go sell somewhere.
On January 1st, 2009, I cleansed myself and my wife Teres and I went to
the Casselberry Mall to begin my new life.

The next half hour
was a blur. Did eager hands really clutch at my sleeves, drawing me in,
or did I dream it? Were there chants, and hymns, and joyous hallelujahs
sung to me by a choir of smiling young people in polo shirts? Was I
really submerged wholly into a glittering pool of apple juice, to be
brought forward as a new and clearly better being?

All I know
is Teres came back from Hot Topic to find me standing outside the
store, dazed, clutching my new white and silver bag and mumbling
something about needing to sync, needing to sync now.

Like
many other people who have spent a wild weekend with a new
acquaintance, I'm in love. I find myself reaching for my iTouch to
reassure myself that it's close. I've loaded all the top free apps on
it, and then deleted most of them, and then loaded on more. I've filled
and emptied it twice with TV shows and movies because I can. I've paid
for more music and software in the last five days than I have in the
last year because it's so easy. At one point I found myself Twittering on it while I was sitting in front of my computer, which has an actual keyboard.

I
can't explain why, really. I can't write on it the way I could on my
Palm TX, which has several efficient word processor programs and, wow,
even lets you cut and paste text, a very sad omission on the part of
the Apple people. I can't move files to it as easily as I can to my
Palm. I have to convert non-iTunes movie files to work with it, whereas
I have apps for my Palm that can read most any format I can throw in
there. There isn't an Apple equivalent of my folding Palm keyboard.

But it has personality, in a way my Palm does not. It feels
better. High-tech, Star-Trekky, futuristic, like a time-traveler left
it behind so I could play Ninja Ropes. I feel privileged to own it.

So I'll sell the Palm, and hope Apple adds a word processor soon, and I'll try not to fondle it too obviously in your presence.

If you don't have one, you just won't get it.