Posts Tagged ‘j. k. rowling’

Just when you thought you were done with sending J.K. Rowling all of your money… In the final book of the Harry Potter series, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Harry finds clues in the book of fairy tales wizards read to their children. And now you can get a copy of Tales of Beedle the Bard for yourself. I mean, for your kids. Obviously.

Only one of the stories in Beedle is referenced in Deathly Hallows.
That's "The Tale of the Three Brothers," and it's joined by "The Fountain of Fair
Fortune," "The Warlock's Hairy Heart," "The Wizard and the Hopping Pot"
and "Rabbitty Babbitty and Her Cackling Stump."

Advance sales are strong, as you'd expect. There's a $12.99 hardcover edition coming out this week, massively discounted at just about every retail outlet. And Amazon is publishing 100,000 copies of a $100 collector's edition.

The most collectible edition would be one of the seven illustrated, hand-written copies of Beedle Rowling had made last year. Six went to close friends, and one was sold at auction (to Amazon, for a magical $4 million) to benefit The Children's High Level
Group, a charity she helped found in 2005.

Net proceeds of Beedle will help institutionalized
children in European countries including Romania, the Czech Republic,
Georgia, Moldova and Armenia.

“Everything all right? You weren't checking your e-mail, I came to see if you were OK. Why is it dark in here?”

“Can’t go online.”

“Excuse me?”

“I fear the Internet.”

“So? You’ve always feared the Internet.”

“That was a vague, almost subconscious fear. This is an active dreading.”

“And the Web is going to get you… how?”

“There are spoilers there!”

“Oh, the Harry Potter thing.”

“Yes, the Harry Potter thing! ‘Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows,’ the seventh book in the series. I’ve been waiting for this for ten years, I don’t want anything to spoil the ending for me. Or the beginning of the ending. Or any of the middle stuff. I don’t want anyone telling me what happens to Harry or Ron or Hermione or what Snape’s deal is or whether or not someone kills Voldemort. I want to read it all fresh and exciting and unsullied by hints and revelations from some loose-fingered blogger.”

Read the rest of this entry »

The teaser for the next Harry Potter movie, "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" is now out in the wild and acting much like a Golden Snitch: it's small, fast, and difficult to see. Check it out yourself and see what you think.

First impressions: Gary Oldman looks better with long hair. Sadly, so does Daniel Radcliffe. However, Helen Bonham Carter looks totally hot all gothed out. Michael Gambon is growing on me but I still miss the other guy. And I'd really hoped for Dame Judi Dench as Dolores Umbridge, but I'll reserve judgment till I see the movie. So far it looks like they captured Potter's Order of the Phoenix teenage whinefest nicely. But hey, cut your hair and girls kiss you; Harry Potter's life lessons continue. First Equus, now this. Way to go, Daniel! A shot of Ron and one of Hermione, just to remind you they're in the movie. More Snape and more Neville can only be good. Potter zipping over London has a nice Matrix-y, Superman-y feel. July 13? What happened to the nice, dependable winter release? I need something to offset whatever cheerful abomination comes out next year to show us the true meaning of Christmas, again. (Hint: it somehow involves wacky hijinks, and usually just makes me sad that actors I like can't get better scripts.)

All in all, a tantalizing look at next summer's blockbuster and something to help tide us over until the last book comes out where Rowling just kills everybody. See ya at the movies!

Now this is just disturbing. In honor of the upcoming Harry Potter book The Guardian held a contest for people to write a Dumbledore death scene in the style of a famous author. Entries have abused the likes of Anne Rice, Dr. Seuss, e.e.cummings, George Lucas, Hemmingway, James Joyce, Sappho, Raymond Chandler, Agatha Christie, etc.

So far my favorites are the Terry Pratchett and the A.A. Milne ones, but I'm still reading…

Link

A massive effort to combat the greenhouse effect by shifting millions of metric tons of money to Britain begins Saturday at midnight with the release of "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince." And, following my successful run of predictions from last time (I got nearly one right, go me!) it's time to peer into the misty future to see what's in store for the zillions of eager book buyers already camping out at Barnes and Noble.

While I won't tell you the most shocking plot twists in the sixth book of author J. K. Rowling's best-selling series of youthful wizardry — I didn't think Hermione would turn evil until the final book — I can let you in on some of the other exciting events.

– The Half-Blood Prince is revealed to be Hagrid. Not as vital to the plot as you'd expect, it just means he gets half-price mimosas at Shakey's.

– Harry and his schoolyard nemesis Draco Malfoy get handcuffed together in a zany turn of events and spend the book on the run from swarms of Dementors with southern accents and dogs. Hilarity ensues.

– The first third of the book is a compendium of all the things the movie fans need to know to understand what's going on in the books, like who the heck Peeves is.

– The Half-Blood Prince is revealed to be Hermione, who's apparently been keeping a secret or two from Harry, Ron, and everyone in the female dorms.

– The book is printed on Zippo Charcoal-Impregnated Paper ("Now Extra Flammable!") to facilitate book-burnings.

– Harry's parents are revealed, again, to be wonderful and good and kind and generous except when James was being a jerk. Also, Lily was hitting the bottle towards the end, there.

– The Half-Blood Prince is revealed to be Cedric Diggory. Oh, well.

– Harry finds the sword Excalibur wrapped in an ornate carpet in the back of a wooden wardrobe next to a brass lamp and a gold ring, just to burn off the plot devices Rowling hadn't gotten around to yet.

– Since Harry Potter and other popular children's books have done wonders in getting kids to read again, this time different subjects will be promoted by having Hagrid speak in Provencal French. Also, the startling, action-packed last chapter will be expressed entirely in mathematical notation, with space in the margins to show your work.

– Harry will be caught sneaking into the headmaster's office to watch "Witches Gone Wild" in Dumbledore's pensieve. Again.

– The Half-Blood Prince is revealed to be Mr. Dursley, but no one has the nerve to tell him.

– Hermione perfects the iSpell, a handheld device that can hold thousands of charms and curses while keeping the bearer both magically protected and incredibly trendy.

– The new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher is described as being "very like Johnny Depp, unless he's unavailable, in which case he looks just like Christian Bale."

– In preparation for the sixth movie's surprise director Quentin Tarentino, Fred and George begin packing semi-automatic wands and muttering interesting new Latin phrases while Ginny uses an ancient katana to carve her way through the Slytherin wing, all to a retro 50's soundtrack.

– The Half-Blood Prince is revealed to be Gandalf, because Ian McKellen didn't have anything going on for 2008.

– A new spell, bittus torrencio, allows wizards to skip classes and just download them later.

– In the chapter written by "Biggest Fan" contest winner Lucy Lynn Harflooie, a new character is introduced named Lucille Brightlady who has great magical abilities and can read minds. She defeats Voldemort handily, vanquishes the army of Death Eaters, and does something really funny to Lucius Malfoy. Oh, and Ron and Harry are totally in love with her.

– Hermione, in her never-ending fight to bring equal rights to the magically downtrodden, discovers a secret warehouse where house elves are forced to make shoddy Harry Potter merchandise.

– The Half-Blood Prince is revealed to be Lord Voldemort's little brother Skippy.

– Oh, and Harry discovers something new about his parents' sacrifice that strengthens him for the battle ahead, yadda yadda yadda.

Warning! There were spoilers above, so don't remember any of that if you don't want to ruin the surprise! See you Saturday!

Heads up, wizards and muggles all! Famed author J. K. Rowling desperately needs the other half of the world's money, so 'Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix' will be hitting local bookstores Saturday, June 21. Special arrangements have already been made to keep the Halifax Medical Center trauma center fully staffed during the debut.

It's been three years since the last Harry Potter book came out, and devoted readers of these tales of the magical university of Hogwarts are frantic to know what happens next to their favorite wizard-in-training. It is impossible to underestimate the desire for this book, the fifth in the internationally popular series. Last December, an American bidder plunked down $45,000 for an index card that contained 93 single-word clues to the plot. At roughly $480 a word, this is not the action of a casual reader, especially when you consider that some of those enigmatic words were 'the,' 'Rowling,' 'copyright,' and 'waffle.'

But fear not! Our intrepid 'Twenty-four/Seven' staff has managed to get a look at the newest opus. After three months of careful strategy involving corporate espionage, agents dangling from wires and lots of unnecessary explosives, we finally received our battered copy during an exchange at an abandoned parking garage (the one by Ocean Walk, at noon). It's an impressive thing all by itself. At 768 pages, 38 chapters, and 255,000 words, it's just over a third of the size of 'War and Peace' and heavy enough to require an OSHA label ('Read with your legs, not with your back!'). But millions of adoring fans of all ages know that the real attraction is the ongoing adventures of Harry and his friends Ron and Hermione, their massive friend Hagrid, and their battle against the powerful evil wizard He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, whose real name is, of course, Jesse Helms.

I don't want to give away some of the most exciting and breathtaking secrets, like the one about Harry's long-lost twin sister (hoo hoo, you won't see that one coming!), but here's a taste of some of the wonders in store for you. Warning: spoilers!

– Harry, Ron, and Hermione overhear someone talking and, misunderstanding what is said, act on that misunderstanding, with hilarious results.

– Forced to reduce class sizes, adminstrators at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry drop the 'Defence Against the Dark Arts' course for students in the first four years and simply hand out government surplus flyers titled 'Duck and Cover.'

– Harry, now 15, begins to break out with acne and talk in a squeaky voice, obviously the results of a sinister spell from the despicable Lord Voldemort. He also becomes sullen and depressed, skipping meals and baths to stay in his chamber and play video games for weeks while listening to 'White Stripes' CDs over and over. Ron and Hermione search in vain for the counterspell.

– An innovative method of 'cliffhanger page locking' prevents readers from accessing any chapters after the third one unless they use a credit card to immediately pay a nominal fee, to be repeated every few chapters right at the exciting bits.

– During a late night investigation Harry and Ron are forced to hide underneath Professor Snape's desk, where they discover a rather startling taste in footwear.

– Headmaster Dumbledore seems shorter now, and looks like Lt. General Zevo from the movie 'Toys.'

– Pranksters from the Hufflepuff house manage to surreptitiously catch and hide the Golden Snitch immediately after the final Quidditch game (Gryffindor v. Ravenclaw) begins. According to the rules, the game continues until the Snitch is caught. Harry passes out halfway through the fourth straight day of play and spirals down to crash headfirst into the snack bar.

– An ancient and tattered book teaches Harry that the efficacy of any spell can be doubled by ending it with 'bibbity boppity boo.'

– The portions of the book's plot that won't be in the inevitable movie version are clearly marked, allowing the confused reader to skip them with ease.

– Harry discovers a new spell or book or doodad or something that, despite its seeming inconsequentiality, turns out to be instrumental in the final climactic scene.

– Wicked house elves, acting on orders from the dark and dreaded Lord Voldemort, short-sheet Harry's bed.

– Ron must go and get help from untrusting townsfolk while Harry and Hermione are trapped in Injun Joe's cave.

– The new Defence Against the Dark Arts professor starts out good, then turns evil, then goes all 'relative ethics' on everybody, then becomes a bit addled. Oh, and it's a woman this time, I think.

– Ron's low score on the WCAT (Wizard College Aptitude Test) forces him to redo his fourth year.

– Hagrid delightedly shows off his new beast, the incredibly rare holeintheplotasaurus, which seems to be making a comeback in a big way.

– A secret cadre of dark wizards, carrying out the devastatingly naughty commands of a book of arcane and heckish spells, unscrews the top of the salt shaker on the Gryffindor table so that it will fall off as soon as the salt shaker is overturned. The nefarious and vile Lord Voldemort laughs maniacally in the misty background as his diabolical schemes reach fruition.

– The last third of the book, for those hardy and determined readers who last that long, possibly by reading in shifts, turns out to be the complete text of 'Jane Eyre.'

– In a surprise twist ending Harry is revealed to be a super-powered mutant living in a virtual computer program, trying to find an animated fish that possesses the powers of God while avoiding a cybernetic killer from the future, with the help of extraordinary gamma-irradiated gentlemen pirates of the Caribbean. In space.

Exciting stuff! And there's even more I don't dare hint at without legal representation. 'Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix' is on sale Saturday, June 21. Reserve your copy today!