Come on, baby needs a new pair of battle axes

Time to fire up the dice again, tomorrow is Dungeons and Dragons Day. This jolly holiday, which in an amazing coincidence is sponsored by D&D game company Wizards of the Coast, brings together gamers from around the world to huddle in small comic book and collecgible card shops to rattle dice at each other and [...]

The love that dares not right-right-click its name

We're past the celebrity baby births and news of Paris Hilton's new hip hop album, leaving only the seas of blood to complete the disaster trifecta, but I'm remaining optimistic because my youngest son has found true love and it's a wonderful thing to see. James is 13-almost-14 and the change in him has been [...]

Driving really, really defensively

We watched "Transporter 2" last weekend, and, as we do after every impossible action driving movie with cartoon physics, we talked about our own driving habits. I am constantly surprised at how many intelligent people fail to share my unshakeable belief: every other person on the road is purposely out to kill you. Well, maybe [...]

My son becomes a man, gets +2 STR, +1 DEX

This weekend my 13-year-old son took an important step in his development, a milestone that makes startling new hair eruptions and a drivers license pale in comparison: he bought his first set of role-playing game dice. For the non-geek among you, gaming dice have anywhere from four to 20 sides, will direct every decision James [...]

The Boyless Summer

This May my teenage son, Tony, complained about needing money during his summer break at UCF. My wife, Teresa, said, jokingly, "Hey, I'd pay you to take your brother away." Tony asked, in all seriousness, how much. And the Summer of Unexpected Delight began. For a bit less than it usually cost us to board, [...]

My son, the mad doctor

Parents look forward to the wonderful, magical day when their child chooses a career. Endless opportunities are narrowed down to one lifelong field, where their child can go out and make his or her mark. Mine has decided to become a megalomaniac. While my 12-year-old son James has always had leanings in that direction, the [...]

Bright college days and back-breaking nights

Like many others these past weeks I've spent hour after painful hour clearing away debris, hauling trash, dealing with the lack of clean clothing, throwing away armfuls of spoiled food, and generally just trying to make the place habitable again. I'm exhausted. Hurricane Charley? No, no. I cleaned out my son's room. He started sophomorifying [...]

Children of the night, move over

Don't come by our house when sunlight is spreading its golden glory. Don't look for us in the park, at the mall, or swimming at the Y. Don't even think about calling before midnight. Our family has become nocturnal. Up until now it's been just our teenager that takes back the night. Every year after [...]

Beware evildoers, it's Captain Scaredypants!

Most fathers probably receive thoughtful Father's Day gifts tailored to their interests and hobbies. Clothes, electronics, tools, pounds of steak, that sort of thing. Instead, my 11-year-old son, Jamie, threw brightly colored tights at me and dragged me off into the streets where armed miscreants could shoot me in the head. He bought me a [...]

Dads say the darndest things

If you live in Florida and have a child of schoolable age, you might be in the midst of FCAT frenzy this week as the standardized test is wielded to make sure your kids know what they're supposed to know. And if you're like me, you're suddenly regretting that time you told them that wind [...]