Posts Tagged ‘politics’

Best thing about the presidential campaign so far? The incredible sense of power it gives me.

Not the power to help elect a new presidentm arguably the most powerful person in the free world, or to affect the course of the next four years. Not even the power to make my voice heard. No, I've been given the power to totally blow off some incredibly important people.

In the last few weeks, I have hung up on both Barack Obama and John McCain. I have cussed out, loudly and at length, the heads of both state political party campaigns, and even screamed at Jill Biden when her call dragged me out of the shower. Granted these are robocalls, pre-recorded messages sent out automatically, but there's still that wonderful feeling of power I get when I hear "Hi, this is Matt Damon, and I'd like to–" and I slam the phone down on him. Take that, Bourne! I've heard from sports figures and local politicians, and not one of them gets past my secretary ( i.e. me) to waste any more of my time.

Look people, I'm not going to believe anything your recording tells me over the phone anyway. You're hoping that the sound of a famous voice lulls me into believing whatever talking point is on the table because hey, we're friends now, right? We're talking together on the phone!

Well, my friends know better than to call me during "Pushing Daisies," Michelle Obama. Click!

From Thinkprogress.org: "The Presidential Memorial Commission of San Francisco has just recently submitted enough signatures to city election officials ' hoping to place on the ballot an initiative that would rechristen the Oceanside Water Pollution Control Plant as the George W. Bush Sewage Plant.' But on CBC radio last Friday, one of the commission's founders, Brian McConnell, said the group ran in to some unexpected opposition to changing the name: "What we didn't expect was that most of the opposition was coming from people who didn't want to name anything. They just wanted to forget about the past eight years and move on or they felt that this is a facility that does something really quite useful and it would be inappropriate to put his name on it. . . . If you get to the point where people are defending the sewage plant, that's a sign that things have not gone so well."

I have made my very first contribution to a political campaign, ever.

Granted, it's for a candidate I can't vote for unless I move to the Lone Star State by next year – no plans in that direction, sorry – but I wholeheartedly approve of him, at least in a gubernatorial capacity. Also, he writes great mystery novels.

Kinky for Governor!

Move over, soccer mom. Back off, NASCAR dad. There's a powerful new demographic in the voting masses that's still completely untouched and ready to be shamelessly pandered to: Gamers.

Where are the politicians scrambling for the gaming vote? Why don't we see John Kerry publicly logging a 96-hour marathon run on "Final Fantasy XI?" Why isn't George W. Bush reinforcing the American family one "Sims Online" couple at a time?

It's easy to underestimate the reach of the gaming community. They don't share any racial characteristics (except possibly for an aversion to direct lighting) and they rarely intermarry. The closest thing to ethnic foods gamers share is Skittles by the handful and soft drinks with enough caffeine per can to start a car.

However, gamers also spent over $7 billion on computer and video games last year, and that's the kind of disposable-income demographic that can bring a tear to the eye of even the most hardened campaign finance director. Can any politician afford to ignore it?

The heritage of the gaming community is growing in leaps and spinning back kicks. There have been novels written within the game worlds, feature films based on game characters and their breasts (and here I'm not thinking of "Mario Brothers"), and even tribal ballads such as Buckner and Garcia's immortal "Pac Man Fever" or their soulful "Froggy's Lament."

There's also gamer poetry, thanks to wired artists such as Seth "Fingers" Flynn Barkan who just released a surprisingly entertaining collection of poems called "Blue Wizard is About to Die." Barkan writes of games gone past and of once-packed arcades now abandoned for introverted home game consoles. From his poem "Joust:"

"I don't think there is much doubt that riding an ostrich is pretty gay, especially when done as some part of a renaissance festival gone

"horribly

"horribly

"wrong"

There is a rich gaming language. It starts out as English, more or less, but quickly evolves to describe how u were totally about to bunnyhop in this kewl FPS but some kill stealing, low pinging n00b ganked u during a lag spike and raped your base before you could respawn. It's almost musical, in an "Apocalypse Now" sort of way.

Heads up, special interests! Angered gamers are willing to mobilize, as long as they can do it sitting down. Last week LucasArts announced the cancellation of the hotly anticipated new game "Sam and Max: Freelance Police" due to "underlying economic considerations," which translates to "we don't wanna, nyah." Outraged gamers immediately flooded the LucasArts home office with enough mail to cause structural damage and added thousands of signatures to the inevitable and ultimately useless online petitions. For a game! An incredible cool game, sure, but still. Imagine all that red-eyed energy harnessed and aimed by, say, a rumor that "Half Life 2" would be delayed another three months because a redistricting bill was hung up in the House.

The Republican National Committee Web site took the first halting steps towards courting gamers with "Kerry vs. Kerry," a Flash boxing "game" that pits the opinions of Senator John Kerry (D-Ma) vs. the opposing opinions of Senator John Kerry (D-Ma) in a knockout brawl. Unfortunately it displays a dismal understanding of the gamer mentality since there is no option to enter cheat codes, no secret doors to hidden levels, and I couldn't find any obvious way to make the senator steal the campaign press bus and embark on a virtual three-state killing spree. You call this a game?

Take some of that campaign money and bankroll games with political messages, hidden agendas. Get the word out to these hi-res voters. Duke Nukem may have gone to Washington back in '97, but that only resulted in two, maybe three good bills, tops. Let's get those pixels flying!

You'll probably have to perfect online voting first, though. The direct sunlight thing. You know.

Mickey Mouse, arguably Florida's most famous celebrity, turned 75 yesterday.

For many years he has been the public spokesmouse of arguably the most powerful company in the entertainment industry, an empire that affects a significant portion of the state's economy.

He may have the most recognizable face in the world. And while the company he fronts has gone on to wide success, he hasn't had a hit movie since 1947.

Can a political post be far away?

He has the background for it. Born during the Depression on a cross-country train in 1928, Mickey was pushed into show business by his father, Walt Disney, a cartoon animator from Chicago. He was the undisputed star of the screen throughout the 30's but he gave it all up to star in training films and goodwill tours during WWII.

After the war he returned to entertainment and showed up in movies, television, comic books, and newspapers, finally moving to Disneyland in 1955 to become host of the company's theme park. From that point on he was the company's loveable figurehead, leading parades, greeting foreign dignitaries, posing with children, and generally boosting the economy.

In 1971 he moved to Orlando where he opened Walt Disney World, and despite occasional junkets to Japan and France has been here ever since. When Americans think of Florida (and Florida's government) they inevitably think of Mickey Mouse, which is why I'd like to formally nominate him to run for governor in 2006.

While the choice of an animated rodent to lead our state might seem odd on the surface, I'd like to point out that even without a formal campaign Mickey has received write-in votes in nearly every election held in this country — local, state and federal — for the last 50 years. Clearly he's electable, and the advantages of an animated governor are easy to see.

He can appear simultaneously at any number of state functions and legislative sessions.

He's already used to having everything he says written by a team of professionals.

It would be even more obvious than usual if he loaded the cabinet with friends and relatives.

He understands the working class, having previously worked as a fireman, ship's captain, clock-cleaner, ghost-hunter, sorcerer's apprentice, and beanstalk-climber.

Whatever his private religious beliefs are, he has always been open to all races, denominations, and currencies.

He makes people laugh. On purpose.

And, rare for anyone in entertainment, he's untouched by scandal. Apart from some parody issues and a slight confusion over family relations — he has, at last count, fourteen nephews and one niece, but only one sister — he has led an unblemished life, remaining faithful to his long-time paramour Minnie for longer than most of his constituents have been alive.

Choosing his party might be tricky, granted. Complete corporate ownership would suggest the Republican Party, but Disney's policies towards homosexual employees, Gay Days events and the Disney/ABC show Ellen all scream "Democrat." I'd suggest he go with "Independent" and hope for the best.

His demographics are far-reaching, his power base enormous. The name recognition alone is every PR man's dream.

He's a war hero. He looks good in a suit. He's rich enough to run for office on his own dime without becoming beholden to special interests — except of course for the hospitality industry, the tourism industry, the entertainment industry, and the land developers of Central Florida, but by Sunshine State standards he's clearly his own man. Er, mouse.

And his swearing in would, once and for all, wrest the title of "Silliest Electorate" away from California, despite their recent lead.

So get out the vote, start the campaign rolling, and put on your gubernatorial ears. Why?

Because we like him.