And about time, too. Actually I have to confess, I've known the winners for two weeks now, but while I knew which songs were chosen by Christina Hendricks, Cedric of The Bedlam Bards, and myself, I was really hoping to include Ms. Hendricks' actual notes. She gushed over them all (sample quote: "God, these people are amazing! I was telling Morena about it, it's just fantastic. I want a CD of this!") but wanted time to flesh out her notes since she had jotted them down whenever she had time. However, her new show "Mad Men" (Thursday nights at 10 on AMC) is getting huge reviews and record-breaking ratings — and richly deserves both – and she's been a bit swamped, so rather than keep everyone hanging I'm going to announce the winners and add the rest of her comments whenever they come in. 

First off I want to say that I'd have been happy with any of the songs winning, they were that good. I know, everyone running a contest says something schmaltzy like that, but come on. These were way beyond what I was hoping for, and I had pretty high hopes. I got exactly what I wanted out of this contest: some great songs about a lady who definitely deserved them. So…

Best Original Song

Winner: "It Was Good For You, Too" by Marian Call
The song I thought captured Saffron better than any other. Can't you just see her in a slinky dress, sliding across a piano and singing to you, making you fall in love with her before you realized your gun was gone? Some nights I can't see anything else…
Christina: "She sounded just like me! It was fantastic, I really thought it was a good song even if you don't know the character. That song and 'Undressed' by Zane Stafford were the two I thought would make fantastic pop songs. I thought it was amazing!"
Cedric: "This song really captured the character of Saffron. The singer's vocal quality and delivery even recalled that of Christina Hendricks. I could see an audience that has never heard of Firefly liking this song quite a bit. Also, stylistically, sexy blues is not all that far from some of the bluesy elements in the Firefly soundtrack. Well done."

Runner-up:

"Everytime You Stow Away" by Jesse Graber
The judges were unanimous on their reaction to this. "I have to say this one made me laugh out loud," Christina said. "It was great!" Cedric said. "Well-performed and lively, this tongue-in-cheek reflection of Mal and Saffron's relationship made me laugh out loud. I liked the easy references to the show, not to mention the uke with a wawa effect. I wish I'd written this song." And I agree. Of all the songs, this one got the strongest and strangest reaction from me the first time I heard it.

Best Filk Award: "She Said Her Name Was Saffron" by Marc Gunn
I can totally hear this coming from a hotel room late one night after the dealer rooms have shut down (and I bet I will). This is what Mal sang to himself when no one was on the bridge. From Cedric: "It's concise, well-phrased, and funny."

Best Filk Award, Runner up: "Saffron" by J. M. Harmon
He didn't win by attrition, although he and Ziv Gur-Arye both certainly tried. But the style was good, the original song was very appropriate, and the lyrics were perfect. I want to see the music video for this. And from Cedric: "I'm not always a big fan of this type of filk, but JM Harmon does seem to have a talent for it. The choice for the original song was very appropriate, and the parody was well handled."

And the winner of the Browncoats Choice Award, chosen by you, was: "Yo-Saff-Bridge" by Ziv Gur-Arye. Ziv will receive a "YoSaffBridge Husband's Club" tee from BlackMarketBeagles.com and an autographed photo of Christina Hendricks. Thanks everyone for voting!

The songs are still available here and will be for a while yet. Thanks to all the musicians, and thank you double for your patience! Prizes will go out by the weekend, along with the marriage certificate packs that go to everyone who entered. Next time I'll try to set an announcement date when I start the contest.

Oh, there'll be another song contest. Despite the unexpected problems with MP3 hosting, online polls, and scheduling, this was still way too much fun not to. Let's see, what should the next subject be…?

Some quick info on computers: every computer has an IP address which tells the network/Internet/whatever where that computer is. Many online polls record IP addresses to prevent people from voting more than once with the same computer. However, this isn't perfect because groups of computers in the same network (such as a workplace or a computer lab) could show up as the same IP address. And tracking by IP got even trickier when Internet Service Providers began using groups of rotating IP numbers that were assigned at random whenever a computer logged on, because it meant that the same computer might get a different IP address (allowing the same computer to vote again) or a computer that was not used to vote might temporarily get an IP address that the poll recorded (meaning someone who had not persdonally voted would be blocked). So most online polls offer a choice of either restricting votes by IP address or by cookies. The poll system I'm using for the Saffron voting uses cookies.

Which is another problem, since someone could vote, delete their cookies, and vote again, repeat as desired. Or the poll might not care if your computer doesn't save cookies, I dunno. Either way, some multi-voting seems to have been happening with the Saffron votes.

Thing is, I don't know that for sure. Could have been accidental, could have been someone's entire workplace showing their support. I don't know, and have no way of telling. So what I've decided to do — knowing that anything I decided would probably be unfair to somebody — was to go through the poll responses, find the ones with duplicate IP addresses, and trim back those votes if they were over a certain number.

There's no way this can be anything approaching a "scientific" poll anyway, but hopefully this will keep the results closer to actual individual votes. Please, if you've already voted, don't try voting again. This is for fun, folks, I'd like to keep it that way. Also, I have to go through it and remove entries one by one and it's a pain…

Feel free to comment on this decision, I'd like to know what you think.

The time is now! You've got one week to choose your favorite Saffron songs from the amazing entries  to see who gets the coveted Browncoats Choice award.

Over the next week or so all of the entries are being judged by myself, the Bedlam Bards, and Christina Hendricks, and there will be prizes for Best Original and Best Filk. But you folks can pick any song you want to win a separate prize. Just head here to check 'em all out, listen to 'em, download 'em, and vote for up to three of your favorites. You've got till midnight Saturday, June 14. So git! (Updated: I changed the settings so now you'll see the results after you vote. Go see how your pick is doing!)

Frankly I'm happy no matter what happens. I got what I wanted: great songs about my favorite conniving redhead. Life is good.

Just not as quickly as I expected. Ran into some glitches — my server is more restrictive on scripts than I expected, none of the polls I tried worked, and none of the free flash polls can handle 37 different answers. Also found out today that three of the original songs weren't actually playing on the site, only providing clips (they worked for me, since I uploaded them, so I hadn't noticed).

So. I'm in the process of setting up the songs on a different host so everyone can hear all the songs, and by Saturday I'll have the new poll set up for voting.

In the meantime I've got all the songs on a CD I've been listening to since the weekend and I'm loving it. Just what I was hoping for when I started this: a wide range of great sogns about my favorite conniving redhead. Sigh. Headaches or not, I'm doing more of these contests…

There's a little speck crossing the sun today
And I called it my ship until yesterday
There's a barren rock outside of Alpha Three
Population: one fool, and that fool is me

Chorus:
And my beacon calls out into the endless space
Hoping someone might find me, take me from this place
Sending curses out to she of a thousand names
Though I'll know her forever as the queen of pain…

There's a little speck crossing the sun today
(That's my ship up there)
And I think she's just mocking me to come this way
(That's my ship up there)
There's a record of marriage that I look upon
(That's my ship up there)
And it's not worth the paper that it's printed on
(That's my ship up there)

Chorus

There's an endless frontier if you can cross the sky
(That's my ship up there)
it belongs to the angels, for a man can't fly
(That's my ship up there)
Though I called her my angel, once upon a time
(That's my ship up there)
My love loved only riches, and a life of crime
(That's my ship up there)

Chorus

There's a lass known as Saffron, and she knows your mind
There's a girl called Yolanda, and she treats you kind
There's a woman named Bridgett, and she'll be your wife
They're all one, have no name, and they'll end your life…

There's a moss you can eat, though it may make you sick.
There's some water that's brackish, but it does the trick.
There's a little speck crossing the sun today
And it keeps flying on, whether I curse or pray…

And my beacon calls out into the endless space
Hoping someone might find me, take me from this place
Sending curses out to she of a thousand names
Though I'll know her forever as the queen of pain

Queen of pain
Queen of pain
Yolanda, she's queen of pain
Bridgett she is queen of pain
Saffron, she is queen of pain
By any name, queen of pain…

I met her on the Outer Rim.
She was a beauty. There's no denial.
We danced around the fire that night.
In the morning, I awoke all smiles.
But when my boat hit atmo,
And she said that we were married.
T'was then I vowed I'd never again
Leave quick when I should tarry.

She said her name was Saffron,
A prize for work done well.
I know we'd done some good works,
But this time I guess excelled.
For her smile it made my legs weak,
And her breasts they made me wheeze.
Oh if I were a different man,
Then I'd show her the Real me.

That night I found her in my bunk
Lying naked in my bed.
She gave me the Goodnight Kiss
And I thought that I was dead.
We'd all be but for Inara…
Oh, I wonder how she knew?
But what I really wish is I could've seen
The kiss between those two.

But that's not the point of this song, right now,
 From this lesson I learnt too well.
If you take strange women into your bed
You may go to the Special Hell.
Either pin her down or set her free
Just don't let your plan go South.
If that don't work, then follow Jayne's advice,
"Never kiss them on the mouth."

========================

From the creator:

"I got your email while touring through Ireland. I didn't think I would have time to write anything, but lo and behold lyrics came to me. And of course, being in Ireland, I had to use an Irish melody. After writing them in my notebook, I decided to actually learn the melody and began singing it. I'm VERY happy I did, because I lost the notebook that I wrote the original lyrics in. So when I got back to the States, I had to rewrite it from memory. And most of it stayed intact with a few minor edits after watching 'Our Mrs. Reynolds'."

"Thanks for a million for the contest. If nothing else, it FINALLY inspired me to write a song based on Firefly, whereas I've only had ideas up until now that I never drafted. So this rocks. Hope ye enjoy in any case."

Come closer, baby
I'm yours right now
Fill my empty furrow
With your plow
And I will give you one last
Kiss goodnight
Steal your ship away and
Leave you to die

Then you ask me
What's my middle name

If I were to tell you
I'd only lie
'Cause I don't want you to see
The truth inside and
Sometimes I don't know
If there's a shred of humanity
Left in me

I'm puffing out the
Stars tonight
As I'm stealing from the love of my life
You can't lock me in your
Ivory tower
'Cause I'm hungry for the
Feeling of power

Then you ask me
Just what would it take

=====================

From the creator:

My roommate laughed when I played her this song. She said it was "typical Jodi" in that I delved into Saffron's humanity. I knew that a lot of people would be doing funny songs and I wanted to be different. I wanted to bring out the reasons behind her actions. These were hinted at in the two episodes. I wove various phrases from the two shows, my favorite being "Fill my empty furrow/With your plow." I liked going at the theme in a sideways fashion, picking out something little, like the fact that Mal asks her middle name, and using that as a jumping off point. I love this show and this character. It would have been fun to see her come back and how her character would have been developed.

She was a little antiquated. A little underrated.
She’s from that dumb planet Triumph.
She’s all kinds of pleasing. She’ll wash your feet then,
Tell the boys that girl’s a wonder she gets it done.

 
She was the sweetest girl in the whole Gor’am verse. Naked and articulate in my bed.
 
She says”I  know my good Bible,” the furrow and the plow. “I swell to think of you in me.”
 
Oh, I’m going to a special level of hell. Son of a……”Night sweetie.”
  
 “Leave me at the nearest port, never look upon me again.”
 
“I’ll make my way with the strength that you taught me,” You and Elder Gommen.
 
She was a little antiquated. A little underrated.
She’s from that dumb planet Triumph.
She’s all kinds of pleasing. She’ll wash your feet then,
Tell the boys that girl’s a wonder she gets it done.
                  
So then she came on the bridge to tell a good myth about Earth that was.
          
“When she was born she had no sky. Stars would rush into her” lust.
     
“Her oceans would boil” till she could endure no more.
      
”She puffed her cheeks and blew out the sky.
 
Alone just us and the stars.” Night sky like a dream. “
 
“Won’t you please make this night what it should be.”

She was a little antiquated. A little underrated.
She’s from that dumb planet Triumph.
She’s all kinds of pleasing. She’ll wash your feet then,
Tell the boys that girl’s a wonder she gets it done.
She’s a good catch, She’ll cook ya fresh bao.
But never kiss her on the mouth.
She’ll never tell her real name. But it’s all the same.
She’s our Mrs. Reynolds. She’s our Mrs. Reynolds.

=========================

From the creator:

"This is the incomplete version that will be on my all Brown coat album to be released at Dragon*Con 2007. I had a great time writing it. Hope you enjoy it and think it's better than a rain stick. lol"

Well, she caught my eye on Daedelus
And I couldn’t look away
Imagine my surprise when she told me
That she felt the same way
That night she promised she’d be mine
And she swept me off my feet
And for eighteen golden hours there
My rapture was complete

Then I woke up hog-tied
Lyin’ in my own bed alone
My gun was gone, and so was the safety box
of my Savings & Loan
She took my boat, she took my dog
She damn sure took my pride
And broke my heart in a million pieces
when she told me I was number twenty-nine

But I never did see such a fine lookin’ thief
In all my lonesome life
She’s a dirty low-down deceiver
I was a right fool to believe her
I never did catch her name, but she’s my wife

Well I tried to forget that wench
With brawlin’ and with beer
With empty threats of cold revenge
That she’d no need to fear
‘Cause that little redhead spins me ‘bout
When I think of her still
She has my watch and she has my heart
And I expect she always will

But I never did see such a fine lookin’ thief
In all my lonesome life
She’s a dirty low-down deceiver
I was a right fool to believe her
I never did catch her name, but she’s my wife

I met her husband number twelve
Says she’s a nympho thievin’ whore
Says she’ll run you in or sell you out
Like with every man before
But damn, she’s pretty with a gun
Just makes me love her more…

‘Cause I never did see…such a lovely thief
She’ll rob you blind…she’ll learn you grief

Oh, I never did see such a lovely lookin’ thief
In all my lonesome life
She’s a dirty low-down deceiver
I was a right fool to believe her
Still I couldn’t ever leave her
Sweet little what’s-her-name, she’s my wife

=====================

From the creator:

"This is a more traditional country/western "she done me wrong" lament, ostensibly penned by one of Saffron's many husbands who can't seem to forget her.  Husband number twelve, mentioned in the bridge, may (or may not) be Captain Malcolm Reynolds.

"I butchered a guitar track to another of my own songs to get this chord progression (my apologies and thanks to Eugene Black, the instrumentalist).  And I had to sing it myself for want of a male vocalist, so you can either pretend I'm a guy or you can pretend that gay marriage might be legalized sometime in the next half-millennium, whichever suits you.  Saffron doesn't seem to be choosy about the gender of her victims.  If any bands out there with male lead vocalists care to do a proper version, though, do get in touch."

When you’re young and when you’re pretty and you’re out here on the rim,
There are those who’ll tell you straight up that your future’s kinda grim.
But if you know a thing or two about what makes men tick
You can do a fairly decent job of making cash right quick.

CHORUS:
And it’s marry ’em, dump ’em, move along and find another man.
You’ve got to get to robbin’ just as many as you can.
And it’s marry ’em, dump ’em, move along and find another man.
You’ll never get ahead out here just sittin’ on your can. 

I found man with lots of cash from deep within the core,
He had his own collection of old things from Earth Before.
But when I saw he loved his toys more than his darling wife,
I grabbed his stuff and ran away and started a new life. 

CHORUS

The trick to finding suckers is to let them think they’re slick.
You give them drinks and butter ’em up before you play the trick.
And when you bolt to sell their ship, before they fix the mess;
you tell them it ain’t personal it’s only bus-i-ness. 

CHORUS

There are some men who are really thick and do not have a clue, 
They never seem to catch on to exactly what you do.
They want the wife to come with them back to their happy nest,
Never realizing that you’re losing money if you rest.

CHORUS

Men are interchangeable until you make them change,
It keeps it int’resting if you expand upon their range. 
From beards and clothing, dance and games, perhaps some sex appeal,
You can turn it all into another chance for you to steal. 

CHORUS

Saffron or Yolanda, Mrs. Reynolds or Bridgit,
I’ve taken every husband for as much as I could get.
And though its true, in what I do, I’ve made out pretty well,
If I’m ever caught I may wind up in ‘special hell’. 

CHORUS

=================

From the creators:

"Well, Chris, it's almost at the deadline and we've got another filk entry in. And yes, I'm afraid you have to listen to me singing again…
 
"My husband wrote the lyrics for this one, based on a song that we thought was in the public domain but turned out to have been penned by a local composer. Knowing that hardly anyone outside the local Renn Fair scene would have ever heard the tune we e-mailed her for permission to use it and she graciously gave us the green light. Despite the somewhat amateur delivery, at least it means that those checking it out will know how it's supposed to sound. Once again we have no backing music, but I convinced Dave to sing some of the harmonies for the choruses."