And so ends another wild weekend of scantily-clad women in bizarre costumes.

What? No, Bike Week is still going strong. I meant MegaCon, the annual science fiction convention in Orlando. Thousands of fans of science fiction TV shows and movies and comic books and Japanese anime, gathered together to put on costumes, meet their heroes, and buy stuff. And they did, in brightly-colored droves.

Cosplay (which sounds way better than "dressing up as") is huge at cons when fans take their opportunity to become the hero — or villain, or animal or yummy snack — they've always wanted to be, and with a lot more ingenuity than the old rubber pointy ears shtick.

They take their work seriously, they do, and their costumes often are intricate works of professional-quality art. But what if you're a beginner fan? Never fear! Cosplaying is only as complicated as you want to make it, and I have some handy tips to get you started.

1. Be choosy.

Pick a character you enjoy, pick a character whose strengths you wish to emulate, pick a character whose antics delight you, but most of all pick a character you won't mind seeing yourself as 10 years from now on Flickr. Trust me, that stuff never goes away.

2. Be realistic.

Take an honest look at yourself. Are you the superhero type? Can you pull off the spandex and cleavage look without your audience having to squint? Are you a Slave Leia that anyone would ever want to rescue? Craft your costume to meet your actual body type for a more polished look. Eschew Superman and Lara Croft if you're more ideally suited to the Penguin or Olive Oyl.

Exceptions can be made for ironic costumes or Elseworlds versions, because fat Batmen are just funny.

3. Be comfortable.

I saw several guys this weekend cosplaying Wolfwood, from the Japanese manga and anime series Trigun. Wolfwood carries a massive cross-shaped gun called the "Punisher," which contains two machine guns and a rocket launcher and delivers an amazing amount of firepower. As was hilariously demonstrated over and over again, the "Punisher" also is a bitch to manuever in your average food court or men's bathroom.

Remember, you'll have to deal with your costume all day. Make sure you can comfortably walk, drive, eat and visit the facilities without assistance, unless of course your costume includes a personal slave. Then go nuts.

4. Be accurate.

You're walking (or slithering) into a room full of very harsh critics who know at least as much about your character than you do, and usually much more than the character's own creator. Check your details carefully. Twice.

Also, try to pick something that people will recognize, or think they recognize. Having to spend half your con explaining your costume to people is just annoying.

5. Be wild.

Remember #2 above? Ignore it. Fans are more willing to accept a wider range of body types than most people and this could be your best chance to show off something you've always kept under layers for fear of laughter or villagers with torches. If you're confident, you can get away with anything, and many do. Go for it.

6. Be social.

Groups of themed costumes get even more attention, and it can help to have backup. Be the X-Men, be the cast of a video game, go as a multi-headed dragon (just be sure you all agree on directions first). Strength in numbers, and all that, you'll make for better photo shoots, and you can all gang up on the inevitable Domo Kun guy.

7. Be patient.

The better your costume, the more you'll get stopped for pictures. The frequency of these stops can be determined by this simple formula: Your attractiveness / how much skin you're showing = feet you'll be able to walk uninterrupted. Black Cats and Poison Ivys measure their hallway progress by millimeters. Plan your schedule accordingly.

8. Be dynamic.

When stopped for a photo, have your pose ready. Don't just stand there waiting, be your character! Your pose should be recognizable, exciting, and something you can hold without popping a hamstring when more photographers rush up and ask you to just hang on for a second more.

9.  Be careful.

Remember your new dimensions when you move around, especially if you've gone for the larger wingspans or taller stilts. Nothing ruins the illusion of your imposing magnitude faster than whanging off a door jamb or taking out a row of Cokes as you go by.

10. Have fun.

SciFi cons are the biggest moving costume parties around, why not jump in? You might even make new friends when you pair up with other people with the same outfit or, better, other people cosplaying your mortal enemy. And if you're in the right mood, nothing beats getting together with friends and grabbing dinner together at a nearby restaurant, in character.

Just don't go as Domo Kun, that's just creepy.

If you're an anime fan or just feel the urge to work your Japanese schoolgirl outfit, check out the upcoming Anime Express con coming next week at ERAU and be respectful: the people dressed as Rurouni Kenshin, Sailor Moon or the Prince of Tennis will be flying your plane someday.

Not in real life, although I'd be up for it. No, we need more spaceships on TV. For as long as I can remember there have been shows about hardy humans on elegant crafts slipping through the icy vastness of space, encountering alien races and dealing with scientific dilemmas while revealing something about the human condition, especially the human condition of crewmen in red shirts.

But not this stardate. There are no Star Trek series on the air right now. No funky time travel shows. No alternate dimension realities. No black holes. "Stargate Atlantis" remains, but SG1 has just been shut down. Instead we have a plentitude of normal-situations-with-one-sf-element shows such as "The 4400" and "Eureka," with just "Battlestar Galactica" and "Dr. Who" to sustain we proud space opera freaks. Where are the gadgets? Where are our alien invasions? Where are our defiant captains, charging through the galaxies chin-first to bring American values to the rubbery bug-eyed monsters? Where are our ray guns?

We are living in the future that science-fiction once predicted, and it seems a shame that the only aliens on the tube are Kang and Kodos on the annual Simpsons Halloween special. Here then are my suggestions for addressing this shameful inbalance. Engage!

"The Dukes of NASA"
Lowered funding forced the space administration to relax a few of those stodgy old restrictions on the astronaut training program, so meet Zeke and Tommy Duke, the good ol' boy cousins who pilot Space Shuttle Jefferson. They spend their days hot-dogging around wireless network satellites, using the Remote Manipulator System to open beers, and avoiding the stupid and corrupt security officers who work for the evil Flight Director Hogg. Yee haa! Over.

"Star Trek: Desk Captains"
Every other Trek series has focused on what's going on out there. But what about the people who make it all happen? Who writes the regulations for the starship captains to ignore? Who builds more non-hero ships to get destroyed by the Borg before the Enterprise shows up? This is the Federation. Written by Aaron Sorkin, the dialogue-heavy show focuses on the problems a system-wide government faces each day such as getting aid to underdeveloped planets, regulating fair and equitable trade between a thousand different races, and appeasing a foreign dignitary after Kirk shoots one of his people in the face with a hastily cobbled together bazooka.

"The Spacy Life"
Wacky dilettantes Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie, together in a small pink spaceship bouncing between the stars. They'll, I don't know, move rock in human slave mines or try to plot orbital vectors or something. I don't really care, I just want them off the Earth. Pack in Britney and K-Fed, too.

"Space: 1999: 2006"
Just as the new Battlestar Galactica took the original concept and re-imagined it into an exciting and profitable franchise, this new offering takes the story from the 70's TV show Space 1999 and brings it into the now. Just like before, a nuclear explosion on the other side of the moon will send Moonbase Alpha hurtling into space where the crew will encounter bizarre spandex-wearing alien races and incredibly coincidental situations. Only to jazz it up a bit, the explosion also destroyed the Earth, I guess, and the lack of adequate climate control means they have to sponge bathe themselves in slow motion a lot. Oh, and the crew is made up entirely of supermodels. I mentioned that, right?

"Clanks"
When they aren't performing mindless, repetitive tasks, these six fun-loving robots live together in a futuristic Manhattan apartment. See the zany hijinks as BethanyBot finally relents and interfaces with Jo-E-12, only to discover too late that their primary docking couples aren't complementary. Yow!

"Big Brother: ISS"
You won't believe what happens when we cram six very different people into the International Space Station! Watch as the hot chick, the religious freak, the jock, the gay guy, the married woman, and the token minority all learn to coexist in incredibly cramped quarters surrounded by the most hostile environment known to man. They'll have to complete various exciting tasks designed to just barely sustain their lives and each week the audience can choose to vote one of them out of the airlock. Watch the first episode as the hot chick shows everyone what microgravity does to her implants! Thursday nights at 9, right after Survivor: Ganymede.

"Betelgeuse Vice"
Crubbs and Tocket are space cops with attitude. Every week you'll see them in their Armani spacesuits and BMW starship, cracking another interplanetary smuggling ring or alien prostitution scam, but you'll also see them live and love as only space cops can. Which, I'm guessing, includes a lot of product placement.

"Star Wars Kid Dance Party"
Right, like someone didn't sign him to a contract. His Google rankings were through the roof, baby!

"Hiatus"
This exciting new show will feature multi-layered characters with real problems, scripts that are both funny and deeply moving with original and unexpected plot twists that break all the cliches, mind-blowing special effects, and a compelling story arc that quickly attracts extremely devoted fans. Ground-breaking and critically acclaimed, it will be cancelled after 10 episodes. Friday night, on FOX!

This fall, look to the stars! Or at least just think about the Hilton-Richie idea, OK?