INT. NEWSPAPER OFFICE, DAY

Cluttered desk, more toys there than strictly necessary for most office work. We see a middle-aged man, losing his hair and gaining more middle, as he smacks his keyboard. This is BRIDGES, our hero. Across from him is his boss, whom we'll call BOSS. There are monitors and TVs around the room, all displaying various news programs with the sound turned off. There is a light rain outside.

BOSS
Decided to stress test the equipment today?

BRIDGES
I'm trying to come up with an idea for a movie,
and it's driving me crazy!

BOSS
And you're doing this at work because…?

BRIDGES
It's karma, I know it. The spirits of all the movies
I've criticized in my lifetime have come back to
clog up my creative juices.

BOSS
That sounds bad. And disgusting. What's going
on out there?

Rain is beginning to beat at the window. We can see into the hallway, where people are starting to gather and talk excitedly. A man and a woman, neither paying attention, bump into each other in a cute way and begin to bicker.

BRIDGES
Remember the novel-in-a-month thing I wrote
about, NaNoWriMo?

BOSS
(noticing the sudden activity on the TVs)
Hmm? Yeah, the novel thing. Is that hail?

BRIDGES
Some of those folks decided one month of
brainbaking stress wasn't enough, so they
created ScriptFrenzy, where people
commit to writing a 20,000 word screenplay
during the month of June. And I can't think
of anything to write!

The Boss' phone rings. The man and woman outside are now yelling at each other.

BOSS
What? How does a hurricane just suddenly
appear?

BRIDGES
I think I've seen too many movies.
Everything I can think of, someone's already
done.

People are running in the hallways now. Many of them are screaming into cellphones. Several of the TVs begin displaying massive storm graphics. The man and woman are now locked in a passionate embrace.

BRIDGES (cont.)
And there's not much in my life to write about.

Sirens can be heard in the distance, and the sky is getting noticeably darker. The man in the hallway looks the woman in the eyes for a long moment before rushing off. She cries.

BRIDGES (cont.)
I mean, I do my job, I watch TV, I spend time
with my family…

BOSS
Why weren't we… a sinkhole? Underneath the
National Weather Bureau? Why didn't anyone
report it? What? Then what happened to him?

BRIDGES
…well, not all of my family, some of them are
just… (he shudders). But I try to spend time
with a lot of them. Some of them.

(A beat.)

We e-mail a lot.

BOSS
Struck by lightning? Seven times? Before or
after the alligator got him?

The rain is really beating on the window now. The lights flicker every now and then. Bridges gets up and begins to pace, oblivious to the panicky newcasters and big flashing text on the monitors. We hear aircraft.

BRIDGES
I love ripping into movies and pointing out where
the mistakes are. I've spent hours happily mocking
bad dialogue and, and obvious cliches, and
plot twists that actually made my stomach
hurt. But when I try to think of one myself,
I just go blank. I live in Florida, for Pete's sake.
What ever happens here?

A tree smashes through the window. Wind and rain howls into the room. The Boss is typing furiously, trying to balance two phones at the same time. Cars can be seen outside, flying past at eye level, upside down and on fire. Two of the monitors have gone dark, and one of the TVs is starting to smoke.

BOSS
OK, go over that again. After the prisoners
escaped in the flood, exactly how many were
pulled into the rip tide and how many were
carried off by mosquitos?

BRIDGES
I mean, it's not like the bar's really high.
Look at what people voted for in "On the Lot"!
I wouldn't have just voted those people out,
I would have given them some sort of
community service to make up for their
actions. Dumb movies get made every year,
especially if Adam Sandler gets restless.

The Boss is now pulling on heavy weather gear while continuing to yell into the phone. Workmen come in to nail plywood against the window, putting their personal differences aside to battle the greater enemy. A flying chunk of rebar comes in towards one of them but another man leaps in the way and takes it in the chest. He falls. The others stand silently, honoring his memory. It's the man from the hallway, and they know one of them will have to tell the woman he left behind. Then the snakes start coming in.

BOSS
They sent the rescue people to fight the hurricane
instead of the wildfire by mistake? How do you
fight a torrential rainstorm? Throw flames at it?
Why don't they–

The Boss gasps and clutches at his left arm. His death throes begin. Out in the hallway we can see terrorists from an unspecified Middle East nation rush by. There is the chatter of machine gun fire.

BRIDGES
I just don't want to write a movie that I would
mock, you know? I can be pretty devastating,
and I know I wouldn't cut myself any slack
just because I was a first-time screenwriter.
ScriptFrenzy.org has like 6,000 people
signed up and committed, and they're all
going to have a story to tell. What's my story?

Bridges notices his boss spasming and absent-mindedly thumps him on the back. His boss' bodily functions resume. Above them a ceiling panel slides away and three adorable, heavily armed children peer into the room before disappearing again.

BRIDGES (cont.)
Where can I find something interesting?

BOSS
(gasping)
Did you just see a light?

BRIDGES
Maybe I can write about someone with
nothing to write about. I'm sure I won't
be the only person at ScriptFrenzy
this month with the same problem…

FADE TO BLACK.