INT. NEWSPAPER OFFICE, DAY

Cluttered desk, more toys there than strictly necessary for most office work. We see a middle-aged man, losing his hair and gaining more middle, as he smacks his keyboard. This is BRIDGES, our hero. Across from him is his boss, whom we'll call BOSS. There are monitors and TVs around the room, all displaying various news programs with the sound turned off. There is a light rain outside.

BOSS
Decided to stress test the equipment today?

BRIDGES
I'm trying to come up with an idea for a movie,
and it's driving me crazy!

BOSS
And you're doing this at work because…?

BRIDGES
It's karma, I know it. The spirits of all the movies
I've criticized in my lifetime have come back to
clog up my creative juices.

BOSS
That sounds bad. And disgusting. What's going
on out there?

Rain is beginning to beat at the window. We can see into the hallway, where people are starting to gather and talk excitedly. A man and a woman, neither paying attention, bump into each other in a cute way and begin to bicker.

BRIDGES
Remember the novel-in-a-month thing I wrote
about, NaNoWriMo?

BOSS
(noticing the sudden activity on the TVs)
Hmm? Yeah, the novel thing. Is that hail?

BRIDGES
Some of those folks decided one month of
brainbaking stress wasn't enough, so they
created ScriptFrenzy, where people
commit to writing a 20,000 word screenplay
during the month of June. And I can't think
of anything to write!

The Boss' phone rings. The man and woman outside are now yelling at each other.

BOSS
What? How does a hurricane just suddenly
appear?

BRIDGES
I think I've seen too many movies.
Everything I can think of, someone's already
done.

People are running in the hallways now. Many of them are screaming into cellphones. Several of the TVs begin displaying massive storm graphics. The man and woman are now locked in a passionate embrace.

BRIDGES (cont.)
And there's not much in my life to write about.

Sirens can be heard in the distance, and the sky is getting noticeably darker. The man in the hallway looks the woman in the eyes for a long moment before rushing off. She cries.

BRIDGES (cont.)
I mean, I do my job, I watch TV, I spend time
with my family…

BOSS
Why weren't we… a sinkhole? Underneath the
National Weather Bureau? Why didn't anyone
report it? What? Then what happened to him?

BRIDGES
…well, not all of my family, some of them are
just… (he shudders). But I try to spend time
with a lot of them. Some of them.

(A beat.)

We e-mail a lot.

BOSS
Struck by lightning? Seven times? Before or
after the alligator got him?

The rain is really beating on the window now. The lights flicker every now and then. Bridges gets up and begins to pace, oblivious to the panicky newcasters and big flashing text on the monitors. We hear aircraft.

BRIDGES
I love ripping into movies and pointing out where
the mistakes are. I've spent hours happily mocking
bad dialogue and, and obvious cliches, and
plot twists that actually made my stomach
hurt. But when I try to think of one myself,
I just go blank. I live in Florida, for Pete's sake.
What ever happens here?

A tree smashes through the window. Wind and rain howls into the room. The Boss is typing furiously, trying to balance two phones at the same time. Cars can be seen outside, flying past at eye level, upside down and on fire. Two of the monitors have gone dark, and one of the TVs is starting to smoke.

BOSS
OK, go over that again. After the prisoners
escaped in the flood, exactly how many were
pulled into the rip tide and how many were
carried off by mosquitos?

BRIDGES
I mean, it's not like the bar's really high.
Look at what people voted for in "On the Lot"!
I wouldn't have just voted those people out,
I would have given them some sort of
community service to make up for their
actions. Dumb movies get made every year,
especially if Adam Sandler gets restless.

The Boss is now pulling on heavy weather gear while continuing to yell into the phone. Workmen come in to nail plywood against the window, putting their personal differences aside to battle the greater enemy. A flying chunk of rebar comes in towards one of them but another man leaps in the way and takes it in the chest. He falls. The others stand silently, honoring his memory. It's the man from the hallway, and they know one of them will have to tell the woman he left behind. Then the snakes start coming in.

BOSS
They sent the rescue people to fight the hurricane
instead of the wildfire by mistake? How do you
fight a torrential rainstorm? Throw flames at it?
Why don't they–

The Boss gasps and clutches at his left arm. His death throes begin. Out in the hallway we can see terrorists from an unspecified Middle East nation rush by. There is the chatter of machine gun fire.

BRIDGES
I just don't want to write a movie that I would
mock, you know? I can be pretty devastating,
and I know I wouldn't cut myself any slack
just because I was a first-time screenwriter.
ScriptFrenzy.org has like 6,000 people
signed up and committed, and they're all
going to have a story to tell. What's my story?

Bridges notices his boss spasming and absent-mindedly thumps him on the back. His boss' bodily functions resume. Above them a ceiling panel slides away and three adorable, heavily armed children peer into the room before disappearing again.

BRIDGES (cont.)
Where can I find something interesting?

BOSS
(gasping)
Did you just see a light?

BRIDGES
Maybe I can write about someone with
nothing to write about. I'm sure I won't
be the only person at ScriptFrenzy
this month with the same problem…

FADE TO BLACK.

One copy of each of the episodes, signed by the cast, will be auctioned off per week between now and November by the California Browncoats. All proceeds (minus eBay/Paypal fees) will be donated to Mr. Baldwin’s choice of charity: the Marine Corps – Law Enforcement Foundation (http://www.mclef.org/) , rated 4-stars by Charity Navigator. MC-LEF's major focus is providing college scholarships to the surviving children of fallen Marines, Federal law enforcement officers, and certain other servicemen and women. This is a great chance to help a good cause and grab a piece of Firefly for yourself. You can see his comments about it here.

Click here to see the current auction. Scroll down for the schedule.

* Serenity (pilot) July 26–Aug. 5, 2006
* The Train Job August 2–12, 2006
* Bushwacked August 9–19, 2006
* Shindig August 16-26,2006
* Safe August 23–Sept. 2, 2006
* Our Mrs. Reynolds August 30–Sept. 9, 2006
* Jaynestown Sept. 6–Sept. 16, 2006
* Out of Gas Sept. 13–23, 2006
* Ariel Sept. 20–30, 2006
* War Stories Sept. 27–Oct. 7, 2006
* Trash October 4–14, 2006
* The Message October 11-21, 2006
* Heart of Gold October 18–28, 2006
* Objects in Space Oct. 25– Nov. 4, 2006

Posted a long recap, with excerpts, here.

While I love the movie, there's a lot of stuff here I'd have loved to seen included.

MAL
One of you has the code to that
vault. You might make yourself
known at this point.

No one moves.

MAL
(continuing)
Okay, there's a couple of things
I'd like to make clear. First, we
don't want to hurt anybody. Second,
my large friend over here really
does wanna hurt somebody. He
kinda craves violence.

JAYNE
It's a flaw in my character.

MAL
It is a little disturbing. So I
strongly suggest the trade agent
make themselves known now, or my
boy'll be picking victims at random.

JAYNE
I'd like to mention I also hit women.

MAL
Good point, let's factor that in.

I do not know if this is the original "Kitchen Sink" version Joss has spoken of, the first draft where he threw everything in, the one that had to be whittled down to fit into a) two hours, b) 40 million dollars, and c) Joss' dream of a great Serenity movie. I do know this one is 190 pages long and comes from a reliable source who's now offering copies on eBay.

I also feel like Harry Potter 7 showed up on my doorstep and no one knows about it but me, so before I explode I'm going to give you my review and a recap of What Might Have Been.

Note: This is Joss' work, but it is not the final version he filmed, directed, and edited together. That final version, the one we've seen up on the screen, is the version he's proud of. I may not be doing him or you any favors by telling you about his early ideas. But there is a lot of great stuff here that Browncoats would love to know about, and some bittersweet choices that, at this point, hadn't been made yet.

Following is a recap of the script, with excerpts and my own added comments. "The final" refers to the movie version.

Serenity
(early version)

The opening is the same, the teacher and the students in history class. Slightly different dialogue, not as polished as the final. River's speech is less effective, I think, but she does mention that the Alliance is trying to govern 72 planets.

Same cut to the lab, Simon is still there. I've heard that in the original version someone else broke her out, but I've never heard it verified. Here it's Simon, and apart from a struggle with one of the lab techs everything is more or less the same. Dr. Mathias spells out her capabilities a bit more clearly, openly mentioning that with the right trigger she could take out a roomful of people. Much more effective in the final, I think, when we didn't know it was coming. There's more of a chase afterwards, and they escape through the lobby atrium instead of a floor several stories up.

The Operative introductory scene is not as polished as it would become. Here the Operative has a name: Jude. There is mention of two members of Parliament committing suicide after learning what River now apparently knows. And again mention is made of River's combat abilities. I find I prefer leaving it vague.

Opening scene of Serenity, long oner shot introducing the crew. Same as before with one big change: when Mal goes to the engine room to berate Kaylee, Book is there helping her. I smiled when I saw that, and when Simon, during his rant, mentioned something from a Firefly episode:

SIMON
I've earned my passage treating
bullet holes, knife wounds, laser
burns…

MAL
The job has some slight hazards –

SIMON
I had to re-attach your ear.

MAL
(smirks)
Yeah. That was…
(not smirking)
…so painful…

Mal gets innocked, everyone gets on the mule, they take off to rob a bank. Same scene with Kaylee and Simon, except for the part after him not spitting. Simon mutters he should have gotten River off the boat months ago. An achingly wistful Kaylee suggests there's maybe a reason he didn't. He says there's a reason, and it's that he's a moron. After he leaves, Kaylee thinks she's starting to agree with him.

Trading post scene is the same. One deleted exchange I would have loved to see, though:

MAL
One of you has the code to that
vault. You might make yourself
known at this point.

No one moves.

MAL
(continuing)
Okay, there's a couple of things
I'd like to make clear. First, we
don't want to hurt anybody. Second,
my large friend over here really
does wanna hurt somebody. He
kinda craves violence.

JAYNE
It's a flaw in my character.

MAL
It is a little disturbing. So I
strongly suggest the trade agent
make themselves known now, or my
boy'll be picking victims at random.

JAYNE
I'd like to mention I also hit women.

MAL
Good point, let's factor that in.

The subsequent Reaver chase is similar, only with two skiffs coming after them and more than one Reaver standing up and attacking after the barn swallow.

This time when Jayne is hauling bodies and wreckage to the bay doors it's Book he's telling about fighting a man in a fair fight, etc. As Jayne flushes the bodies out, Book reads over them.

Meanwhile Kaylee is watching Simon pack, trying to convince him to stay. Simon comes close to admitting he liked her, but you know what happens. He admits that Mal told him early on never to touch Kaylee. She doesn't take that well.

There's also a River scene where she walks around the ship, barefoot, remembering. She goes into Inara's shuttle, now mostly bare and abandoned, and she wanders around the room muttering lines that were spoken here during the episodes. "What did I say to you about coming into my shuttle uninvited…?" She lowers herself onto the bed and continues to mutter someone else's memories, only these are frankly sexual, and that's how Mal finds her. He is wildly uncomfortable, she is completely calm.

RIVER
She lied. Sweet lies, like spun
sugar. A web around her eyes. A
veil. Can't see in, can't see out.

Mal tries to explain that he's not mad at her, it's just that he and Simon… River walks past him, telling him that everyone leaves him. And she has things to alphabetize.
Mal stays behind, looking around and picking up a forgotten photo, the same one we saw in the final. After it runs he stands there, inhaling her scent in the room, as Wash finds him and tells him they're landing soon. "If you're, um, done, ah, smelling the shuttle."

We cut to the Companion Training House, where Inara and the House Priestess Gheydra are confronting a local general about how his men treated one of the girls. Gheydra tries to be conciliatory but Inara stays in his face. Afterwards Gheydra accuses her of acting like that captain she complains about, to Inara's shock.

On Beaumonde, same scene in the Maidenhead Bar except this time Kaylee throws a drink in Mal's face and yells at him about threatening Simon. 

KAYLEE (cont'd)
I think the Doc was fair sweet on
me, but no — you just couldn't
stand the thought of anyone
gettin' bumpy if you can't.

WASH
(re: Zoe)
Does this mean we have to stop?

More or less the same after that. This time Jayne notices the Fruity Oaty Bar commercial and hums along.

The fight happens, Simon rushes in and yells, River goes to sleep.

The Operative watches the feed. More details on how he researches Mal. Back on Serenity they head for Haven, and someone named Dresden (since Book is on the ship). This time Jayne mentions the commercial and they figure out about the subliminal message before they call Mr. Universe. Some great lines here.

JAYNE
Well can I, in the grand tradition
of bein' me, suggest we kick 'em
the hell off this boat at long last?

Mr. Universe isn't as all-knowing in this one, but just as manic.
They arrive at Haven and meet Dresden, a weathered miner and apparently a trusted friend. They joke about the cannon mount Dreden took off "some naughty bandits couldn't pay their way."

At the Companion House Alliance ships land. Inara goes to greet them, happy that they're here to handle the local thug problem, then sees it's the Operative.

Scene with Mal in front of the handcuffed River, as she tells him what he's thinking, mostly about what to do with her and could he kill her. He tells her enough of his brain and tries to get answers out of hers, no real luck. On his way out he stops Book from going in with the bible. Mal makes some jokes about the usefulness of religion, then tells Book to stay outside and think happy thoughts. She'd probably hear them.

Mal crashes in his room, gets the wave from Inara, all the same except Book is with the crew in the cockpit watching. They go to Inara's planet, sneaking into orbit by hiding in the fiery exhaust of a larger ship and nearly burning themselves up to do it. They go blackout and drop, dark and silent, below the atmosphere before leveling off and landing.

Same fight with the Operative (Jude), the escape we saw in the deleted scenes, more of Inara skillfully avoiding the other ships. No crybabies this time.

Everyone greets Inara, and they have the powwow in the common room. Not as intense as the one filmed, and lacking the "you want to run this ship?" exchange. There's also some talk about how destabilizing the Alliance with whatever the Operative is afraid of not necessarily being a good thing. Inara reminds them the Alliance has helped a lot of people. Mal says they're heading back to Haven.

Dresden won't take them in. No offense, but Mal's too hot right now. While they're talking, missiles come over the horizon to blast the place. As Mal watches, Dresden and the others get cut down. The Alliance ship comes in sight and Serenity backs up fast. They try to draw the ship away from the camp but it ignores them to finish the job – it's not here for them, just to ruin their hidey hole. Serenity rams the ship a few times and they struggle to stay alive in an unarmed ship.

Meanwhile Jayne decides to give 'em what they want and goes after River, who beats him up (again) and gets out.

They finally defeat the Alliance ship after Mal has Wash fly over top of it and cut power. Painful for all involved, but it works as the dead weight of Serenity slams the Alliance ship to the ground.

The Operative contacts Mal and threatens him some more. He signs off; River is suddenly there holding a gun to Mal's head. Zoe comes back from chasing River to report she's free.

MAL
(deadpan)
Are you sure?

River brings up Miranda, they argue about it and Reavers, Mal runs out and starts barking orders to Reaverize the ship. This time we see the crew working on the ship, and there's an exchange between Simon, Book, and Zoe as they strap bodies to the hull that's interesting:

SIMON
You were in that same war. But
you live almost like a person
might; you have an actual
relationship — a marriage. You
didn't turn into some… Gorgon…

ZOE
I'm career Army, my whole family
is. I was already in when the war
started. Mal volunteered. He
joined the fight because he
believed. He believed his planet
should be left alone. Believed we
would win if we gave our hearts to
it, that his generals wouldn't lay
down arms while his men were still
dying around him… that God would
help us in our darkest place.

She cinches a knot tight, moves to the next body.

ZOE
(continuing)
See, that's the difference between
Mal and me. All I ever lost was a war.

We see the scene cut from the movie of Mal and Inara talking in her shuttle, although here he's intriqued when she admits she hasn't taken any clients since she left.

Scenes through the Reavers and on Miranda are more or less the same, and there's the scene we saw in the deleted scenes of Mal and Inara holding each other after the Dr. Caron scene. They all agree to get the word out, they contact Mr. Universe, he gets sworded, the trap is set.

As they're coming back through the Reaver space, Jayne and Book talk.

JAYNE
How long do you figure it'd take
you to read over all them folk
down there?

BOOK
(still quiet)
All my life.

Zoe and Wash agree if they make it out, they'll make babies. Lots of babies.

This time when Mal fires at the Reaver ship the Reavers catch up and he has to keep firing while they're zipping through space. There's a scene where Reavers board Serenity and attack Mal, who has to fight them off without letting go of the ship or letting his suit get ripped.

Same scenes with the Operative, same fakeout with the approaching Reaver ships, same big battle. One cool and deleted bit; when a big ship gets too close during a desperate moment, Mal releases the other shuttle to spin off from Serenity and smash their pursuers. But this time when Serenity lands they don't lose big chunks of the ship and Wash remains whole and ungutted. They all run from the ship barely ahead of the Reavers. As they leave Serenity, Mal looks back at her and says "Thanks for the ride." Same standoff in the same location. Wash and Book are both here for this — which is giving me goosebumps as I read it, by the way — so we get more fun dialogue.

ZOE
Go.

MAL
I ain't used to bein' ordered
around by you, Zoe. It's kind of
a turn on.

WASH
I'm standing right here.

This time we have a scene where an anguished Book realizes he has to shoot to kill. We don't get the "You mean to say… sex?" exchange with Kaylee and Simon, though.

Mal finds the dead Mr. Universe, gets the message, takes off.

This time Jayne's the one that gets his spine slashed and bandaged up by Simon. Book gets hit by a Reaver, as does Zoe. Jayne attacks all of the oncoming Reavers at once and pushes them back with a crate; Wash shoots the one on Zoe.  They switch back to Mal having the same argument and fight with the Operative (whom Mal calls "Judy.")

Zoe gets hit in the sholder. Kaylee gets darted. They retreat behind the blast doors, but an explosion from the Reavers' fire takes out the control panel.  Jayne's last grenade gets tossed, then they start discussing options. Hilariously, Jayne tries to trigger River by singing the Fruity Oaty Bar song; Simon tells him the trigger's not in the song.

JAYNE
Well, now I know that…

Simon gets hit, River runs off, throws the bag back, and the Reaverfest begins.

Mal fights. The crew listens to the snarling coming from behind the door. Mal fights some more, same battle we've seen. He wins, and sends the wave.

River fighting the Reavers, kicking butt. Finishes as before, the Alliance busts in, the Operative tells them to stand down.

No funeral rocket, somewhat more cheerful closing scenes. The Operative says his piece (including saying explicitly that no one is looking for the Tams anymore) and leaves. Mal has a scene with River and Simon that establishes they're staying. Simon has a scene with Kaylee that establishes where he's staying, and they kiss. (Even the stage description says "They kiss, and about time too.")

KAYLEE
Oh,. Doctor, you and me is gonna
have such an awful lot of sex.

Bok, Zoe, Wash, and Jayne are talking about people in general and Jayne's plan to go back and help Inara's whore friends.

INARA
(sooo many times…)
Companions.

JAYNE
Uh-huh. Point is, we're heroes
now. We faced down Reavers, the
mighty Alliance, and opened the
eyes of the world to injustice.
If that don't get me some quinny
I swear I'm turning eunuch like
the Shepherd over here.

Book's expression is memorable. Zoe puts her hand to her heart.

ZOE
That was beautiful.

WASH
(matching her mock
sentiment)
I have something in my eye…

Mals asks if he can go take her up. Wash agrees, after he determines that Mal remembers which way the sky is. Mal finds River in the copilot's seat, the closing scene happens as we saw it. Credits roll.

I had — and have — some seriously mixed emotions about this script. I love the movie (you may have guessed) but some of the things that bothered me when I saw them on the screen — not as much character development as I'd like, the lack of Book, a rushed feeling, not to mention the deaths — aren't in this one. The ending here is clearly a happy one, with no lingering bad things for the crew at all. It felt really good to read it, and hear it in my mind, the way it could have been, with a big and obvious future ahead for all of them.

But it wouldn't have been Joss' movie. Yeah, he wrote this, but he also worked on it over and over to bring out the elements he wanted. It's not just that this movie woud have cost a lot more to film and run 3 hours and ten minutes. Joss wants his audience challenged, involved, changed. We know from his TV shows that beloved characters will die. Big things happen. Episodes rarely end with "everyone's back to normal" like other shows do. And I have to admit, the last fifteen minutes of the movie when, jaded moviegoer that I am, I couldn't bear to look away from the screen because I honestly didn't know for sure that he wasn't going to kill everybody. How often does that happen?

This would have made a really good Firefly movie. It wouldn't have been Serenity.

There's a lot of stuff here I really wish had made it to the screen. There's a lot of stuff missing that I'm glad got added in. And, vague as that is, that's my review.