If you know and like movie maker Kevin Smith, you already know you want this collection of transcripts of the best of SModcast, the weekly podcast Smith does with his longtime friend and conspirator Scott Mosier. If you've seen Smith at any of his personal appearances or seen any of his live DVDs you know he's loaded with great and bewildering stories. This… is different.

First, these are not the well-weathered and practiced stories he tells so well. This is Smith getting ripped and talking off the top of his head with his friends, giggling and pushing each other to extremes, most of them inevitably involving deviant sex. And he goes straight to the NSFW well right off the bat, talking candidly about his masturbatory habits, the Godzilla Jesus movie, whether Annie Sullivan ever had sex while Helen Keller was in the room ("It's not like they were, 'We gotta keep it quiet'"), whether the Make-A-Wish Foundation covers forced celebrity hand jobs, and the sickest question Kevin's ever been asked. Smith and Co., left to their own devices, are more twisted than anything he's ever put on film (so far). And I've got three to give away.

How to enter: Just post in the comments below the answer to this question:

Which Kevin Smith character would you nail, and why?

Rules: Any character is fair game, from his movies to his cartoons to his comics to, hell, his Roadside Attractions bits if you want*. Please keep the entries less than 50 words. US and Canada entries only, unless you're willing to cover postage. Must be over 18 to win. One entry per person, please. Make sure you leave a valid e-mail address so I can contact you (your info will not be used for any other purpose). And you've got till midnight EST next Friday, Sept. 25. Three winners will be chosen at random. Go!

UPDATED: Contest is over, three names have been chosen, e-mail sent out. I;'ll post the names once I get confirmation back. Thanks everyone who entering!

"Shootin' the Sh*t With Kevin Smith" hits the stores Tuesday, Sept. 22, and you can preorder it now. Or you can order a signed one from Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash. And be sure to check out the SModcasts for a taste of what you'll be getting.

* My own response? I'd bang God, in Her guise as Alanis Morissette. She's a total hottie, and Alan Rickman would have to stand next to the bed and make all her noises for Her. Doesn't get any better, sir.