Posts Tagged ‘star wars’
Top ten Star Wars memories that don’t actually include Star Wars
May 25th, 2007 | 
Author: Today marks a special anniversary for the greatest (and longest) trilogy ever told, one that changed our lives forever in a million different ways: it’s Happy Towel Day, commemorating the death of Douglas Adams, creator of the “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.”
Oh, yeah, it’s also some “Star Wars” thing.
Specifically it’s the 30th anniversary of George Lucas’ original film, which opened in 32 theaters on May 25, 1977, introduced us to Luke, Obi-Wan, Leia, Darth Vader, Han Solo, Chewbacca, R2D2, and C3P0, and went on to make a billion kajillion dollars with five more sequels/prequels, a staggering amount of action figures and other toys, books, artwork, novelty ties, and much, much more. There is no aspect of human life that “Star Wars” has not touched, or at least been marketed at. "Star Wars," like a bowling ball dropped into a punch bowl, changed everything and affected everyone nearby.
Which makes it impossible to write about, since in the last 30 years we’ve pretty much read everything about it. Columnists desperate for something to write about (i.e. all columnists) have talked about the movie, the making of the movie, Lucas' dreams, Lucas' nightmares, Lucas' grocery lists, the other movies, the merchandise, the fans, the secret Lucas grocery list uncovered years later that revealed Lucas hated milk despite earlier reports, the prequels, the original novels, the conventions, the even-secreter Lucas grocery list that proved Lucas loved milk and showered in it but removed it from the list in post-production, and what the columnist in question personally thought when the columnist personally saw it. That last is the easiest since no actual research is required, a big plus when your deadline is looming over you like a small moon.
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Finally, Star Wars as it was meant to be seen
Dashing heroes! Evil villians! Derring do! And lots of chase scenes!
The original Star Wars trilogy has been reworked into a thrilling 1 and a half minute silent movie (complete with musical soundtrack) that is, frankly, more entertaining than the last three. It needs some soulful staring from the romantic leads, but for all I know those might be in the six minute director's cut.
While you're in the mood, check out fellow silent-movie fans Team Tiger Awesome's growing collection of newly classic silent films, such as "Die Hard: The Ballad of John McClane," "Top Gun: A Requiem For Goose," and "Dirty Dancing: The Corner'ingation of Baby." (May be some questionable language).
Don't tug on Darth Vader's cape
Everyone, at some point, has finished reading a story or watching a movie and wondered what happens to those characters next. Or what happened in the scenes we didn't get to see. Or what happened before the story started. Or what would happen if the characters had done something completely different, possibly involving leather restraints.
Welcome to the world of fan fiction.
Odd thought roundup: Yee-ha, or something
Time for some random ponderings over items that have recently confused or bothered me. These are the sorts of things I think about during traffic lights and long Web page loads instead of thinking about anything, you know, useful.
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Planned Parenthood recently filed lawsuits over "Choose Life" license plates, claiming that offering only one side of an issue was a violation of First Amendment rights. South Carolina State Rep. John Graham Altman, probably only half joking, suggested that "Choose Death" license plates be issued as an alternative. Now, there's no way I'm jumping in the middle of this particular hot button controversy, but you know what?
I really, really want a "Choose Death" license plate.
Not to express any specific philosophical views, but because it's just vague and unsettling enough that people would give me plenty of room on the highway for fear I might suddenly make my choice on the I-95 overpass.
Read the rest of this entry »
The true meaning of Revenge of the Sith
Saw it again, with the kids, and realized that Imissed the whole underlying theme of the movie, what the movie was clearly all about, what Lucas obviously prizes over all else.
Ships.
Ships landing. Ships taking off. Ships flying past other ships. Ships filling the background like flies in the Everglades. Fully twenty minutes of the movie, minutes that would otherwise have been completely wasted on character development, were used to show every single departure and arrival of every character in a different ship.
When Anakin gets up and goes to a different room, I was honestly shocked he didn't climb into a ship to do it. Followed, of course, by Padme in her nightgown and a different ship.
Star Wars Episode III: Turn off your brain and ride
Last night, thanks to an unexpected offer to judge a costume contest that included free VIP seating, I got to see "Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith." Herewith, then, is my review:
Ehh.
Before I start ranting, let me say that overall I like the story arc of the prequel trilogy. It makes sense. It's an excellent description of a too-powerful, too-convoluted government getting scammed and ultimately taken over by another force. The schemes to undermine the Jedis' authority, the plots to completely hornswaggle the Senate, the carefully-timed steps that led inevitably to the overthrow of the Republic and the emergence of the Empire — all worked for me.
The characters, as characters, work just fine. Slave boy becomes Jedi, pupil becomes master, there is love and devotion and betrayal and loyalty and lies.
And, it must be said, that if we're talking visual effects and blow-you-away action scenes, this is by far the best of all six movies.
That said, here's what bugged me. Big, big spoilers ahead.
Star Wars means never having to say you're sorry
I have just agreed to go on a swanky date with my ex. Even in the best of times this is what bad situation comedies are made of, but in this case my ex happens to be a $115 million blockbuster movie. This is always tricky to explain to your therapist.
The third and final "Star Wars" prequel is slinking toward a theater near you. And, like many other fans of the "Star Wars" sagas, I have been experiencing a familiar feeling of anticipatory dread, the certain knowledge that I'm about to go willingly into a painful and uncomfortable experience.
"Star Wars," you see, is like an ex-girlfriend.
If I buy all the stuff, do I still have to see the movie?
This summer the Darknight Detective takes on his fiercest, most implacable foe yet, worse than Catwoman, more dangerous than the Penguin: a wave of 43 determined racecar drivers.
And you thought you'd never hear anyone say the words "worse than Catwoman" ever again.
In the latest publicity stunt by NASCAR and Warner Brothers, the June 19 NASCAR Nextel Cup race at Michigan International Speedway will be the "Batman Begins 400," in honor of the upcoming new Batman movie named, of course, "Begins 400." The movie's Batmobile — which is supposed to be a menacing assault vehicle but comes off as a really big RC car — will be on hand to do a lap, and Mark Martin's No. 6 Ford Taurus will be sporting a nifty Bat signal on the hood. I'm not quite getting whatever point this is supposed to make, other than "please go see the movie, please please please."
This is because Hollywood understands that no one ever decides to see a movie because of the writing, the director, or the stars. No, we need spectacle and blatant pandering directed right at our frontal lobes every second of our waking lives if we are to lift our butts away from our DVRs and pull our heads out of our iPods. The little Burger King toys just aren't cutting it anymore.
