"Critically, "Superman Returns" was disparaged for lacking in action. Singer has said he would address this concern in the follow-up."

No word on whether the great gaping holes in continuity or, you know, logic would be addressed. Maybe those will be in the third movie.

That said, I know I'll still go see it. After all, the entire 154 minutes of "what the heck is he doing" was worth sitting through just for the plane-saving scene. Give me another of those, back off on the oh-so-subtle metaphors, and for Superman's sake let him punch something.

Reviews have been mostly positive, but some loyal fans have objected to some of the movie's surprising new revelations. I won't spoil the surprise by mentioning Lois' shocking new lifestyle choice (cannibalism), but I have to wonder; exactly which Superman are these fans worrying about changing?

Every new incarnation of The Man of Tomorrow has brought us something new. In the last 70+ years Superman has been powerful, all-powerful, powerless, cocky, polite, naive, and insightful. He's had different costumes and different powers. He's been an old man, a teen hero, a super-powered baby, a reporter, a news anchor, a novelist, married, and dead. There have been short ones, fat ones, tall ones, skinny ones, even Supermen with alien chicken pox. There have been multiple Supermen at the same time, and even more on different Earths/dimensions/whatevers.

But this is good, because it means that no matter who you are, you're bound to find a Superman you like. Pick your favorite! Like James Bond, Dr. Who, and the president of the United States, you'll probably find you prefer the first one you ever saw. Look at just a few of your choices.

ATTITUDE SUPERMAN — The original 1930s creation who worked at The Daily Star, bullet-resistant, building-leaping. He was a tough customer, throwing around corrupt union leaders and policemen and not always paying too much attention where they landed. Sample quote: "You're treating your mine workers in a harsh and unfair manner. Let's try digging for coal with your face!"

TOO MUCH COFFEE SUPERMAN — This would be the one from the early Max Fleischer cartoons and, later on, The Superfriends, the Superman who says! Everything! Dramatically! with a booming voice until the danger is over, whereupon he stands around with his fists on his hips and chuckles for hours and hours. Sample quote: "Hope you like looking at bars, Luthor! Because that's all you're going to see for a long time! Ha! Ha! Ha!"

SEMIGOD SUPERMAN — In the decades before the '80s the Silver Age Superman got stronger and more arrogant until dropkicking the sun back in place was something he could do while composing Kryptonian sonnets before flying back in time to prevent Jimmy Olson from becoming a rock star. George Reeves captured the cocky attitude perfectly, although it still didn't keep him from ducking whenever someone threw a gun at him. Sample quote: "My superspeed combined with my scientific acumen will help me cure Perry's alien foot fungus while I use these mirrors and some super-ventriloquism to make Lois think I'm really married to Lori Lemaris!"

RED K SUPERMAN — Running out of ways to effectively threaten an unstoppable superhero, the writers whipped up red kryptonite, which affected Superman differently every time he was exposed. Tons of fun! Telepathic Superman, Long Hair and Fingernails Superman, Dragon Superman, Fat Superman, Stupid Superman, Amnesiac Superman … . Also, giant gorillas were often involved, for some reason. Sample quote: "This red kryptonite has turned my skin into Romaine lettuce! I can't let Lois see me, but I have to save her from that giant ape!"

BOY SCOUT SUPERMAN –Christopher Reeve brought us this one. Boyish and charming, this superhero is ready to superspeed little old ladies across the street and rescue cats from trees before flying off to save the day. Brandon Routh's version is a bit darker, a boy scout with a hunting badge. Sample quote: "I hope you don't mind if I rescue you, ma'am."

LAPDOG SUPERMAN — The super-powered presidential lackey of Frank Miller's groundbreaking graphic novel "The Dark Knight Returns." Noble, doing what he can despite sanctions against superheroes, and totally whaled on by Batman. Sample quote: "Yes, Mr. President."

NEUROTICALLY PARALYZED SUPERMAN — Tom Welling's Clark in "Smallville" and, to a lesser extent, Dean Cain's Superman in "Lois and Clark," this Man of Steel is so wracked with self-doubt and emotional turmoil you just want to reach into the TV screen and slap him. Sample quote: "I have to stop a bank robbery, Lana/Lois, making this the seventh episode in a row we couldn't talk about the feelings that are tearing us up inside. Sorry."

And many, many more! But all of them possess the basics that make Superman great. He's an inspiration. He's our wish fulfillment, all of us mild-mannered types who dream of throwing off our disguises and taking to the air. Adopted by this planet, devoted to using his great power to helping others, sacrificing a personal life for his never-ending job, every version of Superman throughout the years has embodied what is great about America and humanity.

And fighting giant gorillas.

Just about every televised version of Superman there ever was will get released on DVD this summer, including re-releases of the original movies. I'm sure there will be graphic novels and comics and tie-in books and everything else they can think of, but I want to mention some unsung treasures.

Elliot S! Maggin's Superman novels, "Last Son of Krypton" and "Miracle Monday." They came out the same time as the first two movies, respectively, instead of movie novelizations. And they're wonderful.

They're definitely dated. These were in and of the 80's, and it shows. Not just because of the pop culture references, but because this was Superman before John Byrne rewrote him at a manageable level. This was a Superman who could fly through time, duck into the sun, and brilliantly solve an inpenetrable scientific problem while composing a sonnet in Kryptonese. All the unbelievable powers that hack writers gave Superman over the previous decades to get themselves out of plot corners — super-ventriloquism, super-breath, microscopic vision, etc — were still very much in play here. At this point in his history Superman's writers couldn't deal with this powerful a hero, with such a complicated mythology, and they decided to downsize him into something they could dramatize because frankly, after all those years they were running out of ways to menace a hero who could push the moon back into orbit. It was a good call and it resulted in a more believable Superman, one that could be threatened by something less than a god.

But these books prove that, in the hands of the right writer, even the megapowerful Superman could be a compelling character. He could do amazing, even ridiculous things, but he couldn't do everything, and he knew it, and it humbled him. Here Lois is a powerful woman in her own right — where most of the TV and film versions of Lois are strident, whiny, or neurotic, this one was worthy of a Superman. Here was Lex at his wildest and funniest, purple and green flying suit and all. Here were nods to the backstories and Superboy and the rest of the DC universe. And here we get a real sense of how the Kents, by being good and kind people, gave the world a Superman.

An example of this, which also describes what Superman was like in the years up to Byrne's restart, is this quote from the first book:

The Kents were well past child-rearing age when they found that rocket ship near the old farm. On a vacation they both contracted a rare virus over which even their son had no power. They died within a week of each other, Martha Kent first. Jonathan Kent, on the last day of his life and without his wife for the first time in twoscore years, asked his son to stand next to his bed.

Superboy long ago had learned the story of his origin. His power of total recall accounted for most of the story. He was able to fill in most of the blanks by flying at many times the speed of light through space and overtaking the light rays that left Krypton the day it exploded. In this way he actually saw the drama of his infancy reenacted. He knew that he was Kal-El of Krypton, the son of Jor-El, and possibly the finest specimen of humanity in the galaxy. He had broken the time barrier, he could speak every known language on Earth, living and dead. He had been born among the stars and could live among them now if he so chose. He had more knowledge in his mind and more diverse experience to his credit than any Earthman alive could ever aspire to.

Yet he stood at the deathbed of this elderly, generous man whose last Earthly concern was his adopted son's happiness. Superboy listened, because he believed Jonathan Kent to be wiser than he.

Most of all the books are about a being granted more power than nearly anyone else ever born, who believed to the very core of his being that there is a right and a wrong in the universe and that that distinction isn't very difficult to make.

The books are out of print for some stupid reason but you can read them for free here, and you really should.

The official movie site for Superman Returns! is making it easy to get the word out; they've got a webmaster program that allows you to put just about everything off their site on your own. They provide the code and the updates, you just include a link back to them. Expect to see more of this, and a good thing, I'm thinking.

Plenty of missed opportunities here, with fairly easy fixes. That's the goal of the Armchair Script Doctor. I don't tear apart, I offer only minor tweaks. I may have the scenes slightly out of order, this is from memory. Here's what I would have changed. If a scene is not mentioned, assume I thought it was perfect.

The opening stays, although I was unclear whether the burned out planets were in our solar system or Krypton's or something in the middle.

In the beginning Martha Kent is seen at home, but not doing dishes. Instead she is sitting at the kitchen table, carefully writing another postcard. In front of her is a file folder which apparently contains information and pictures of Tibet. We don't see all of what's she's writing, but words like "home soon" are visible, as is her hand signing the card with Clark's name. The address is Lois Lane, c/o The Daily Planet. Clearly she's been doing these for awhile. Her hand shakes, we see her face, which is upset. On to Clark's arrival as before.

When he wakes up Clark scans the news as before to catch up, a bit puzzled at how much has changed. When he sees Martha he's a bit surprised at the additional lines, then finds out that rather than the few months he thought he was gone, it's been five years (he didn't have a way to judge time distortion during the trip). Shock, dismay, despair at what everyone must have thought, the realization that he screwed up. He tells Martha about being alone, same as the movie.

Clark shows up at the Planet. No problems here. Finds out about Lois, still stunned and upset, but not shocked or surprised. Of course she'd move on. Still goes drinking with Jimmy.

Rescue of the shuttle/plane. Not as much time spent on the buildup, not as much time launching the shuttle to orbit. Rescue the plane as before, same landing, same public adoration. Little more reaction from Superman would be good – it's been five years since he's been adored, let him smile and wave a bit. Same blowoff to Lois, she still faints.

All the Lex scenes up til now, all the Superman rescues, no worries.

Superman's rooftop talk with Lois. He starts out confident, as before, but breaks a little when he admits he only expected to be away for a few months and everything's changed. Now she's still mad at him for not saying goodbye but she (and we) also feel a little sorry for him that he's going through this. More talk about her article and the thought behind it, let's see that she didn't write "Why the World Doesn't Need Superman" out of spite but because she really thought his presence was retarding humanity's growth, or whatever. I assume there was enough reason in the piece to earn the Pulitzer, let's hear it. Even better, let's see Superman recognize the validity of what's she's saying, making him even more of an outsider.
I'd want to work this out a bit — it may be unworkable — but it would be nice to see Lois a bit awkward here about her life.

"When you left… I thought you were… you'd been… I didn't handle it well."

Superman: "Lois… I…"

Lois: "Richard was there for me." More confident, a little challenging. "Always." Implication being that a) Superman wasn't, and b) she jumped into an intimate relationship with Richard faster than she might have ordinarily because she was so upset about Superman being gone.

Superman: "I'm here for you, Lois."

Lois: "Yeah. But will you be here tomorrow? You didn't tell me you were going, even for a few months. What else aren't you telling me?"

He has no answer, and flies off. Continue with the scene as before.

All is good until Lois is trapped on Lex's ship. Lex's plan is to create a new continent in the Atlantic Ocean ("See, dad? Someone is making more land!"). It won't destroy North America per se, although there will be a lot of coastal flooding. Say, Metropolis is on the coast, isn't it?

Ultimately Jason saves her by hitting the guy with a piano (but not killing him).

Lex launches the kryptonite crystal.

Clark, Richard, and Jimmy are trying to find Lois. They see the maps on her desk with an address circled, they start to head out for it when the power blows.

Out in the ocean, the crystals start to form.

When the power comes back up, Richard, Clark, and Jimmy talk about whatever's happening, Lois will be right in the middle of it. News reports come on about a strange thing in the Atlantic, and jets have been scrambled to investigate. Richard and Clark: "Lois!" and they run off in different directions. Superman heads out over the water but, like before, he has to go back and save Metropolis. This gives us time for:

Lex is looking around his new island. There is no Kryptonite visible, just black outcroppings. The girl and his henchmen bitch about the barrenness but he promises the next ones will be fertile, paradise on Earth. This first one is for a specific purpose. He goes to an area in the middle and, holding his breath, he waves his hand over the ground in front of him. After a pause, a control panel very like the one in the Fortress of Solitude appears. Black, like the rest of the place (in fact, by now it should be apparent that he's created an evil version of Superman's home). He starts hooking up one of the laptops to the control panel. He places a crystal in the panel; everything lights up with an evil glow.

Richard rescues Lois and Jason, Superman rescues them all. 

The jets show up. Lex types furiously on the laptop. Beams of force erupt from the base of the control panel and take out the aircraft without a second's hesitation (there's a colorful streak across them just as they explode). Jor-El is alarmed. Lex loves it. "Bring it on! I can take out your ships, your nukes, anything you've got!"

Superman lets the pilots go to parachute safely down before he flies back to land directly in front of Lex, a look of disgust on his face when he sees the evil control panel running off to the side. Lex is not only threatening the world, he's screwing around with Superman's heritage.

Superman: Anything?

Lex smiles and punches him. This happens fast, so we don't have time to register that there's Kryptonite here (and neither does Superman, who let the punch land without fear and was thus completely taken by surprise when it knocked his ass down). The thugs beat him up and he lands in a crevice, splashing the water out so now we can all see just how much Kryptonite is under the rocky surface (answer: a lot). Maybe not so much "Passion of the Superman," this time, though. Lex pontificates that Superman could have ended world hunger, provided housing for all, but never did. Now Lex will, and the world will truly understand who was the greater hero. Superman tries to explain, using some of the same reasons Lois gave for the world not needing him, but Lex stabs him. 

The world's militia is mobilizing. More aircraft and a missile or two show up and Lex swats them down like he's playing a video game. He tells the thugs to ready the next crystal. Lots of destruction, clearly Lex is unstoppable.

Same rescue by Richard and Lois, same recovery. This time Superman pauses before flying off and tells Lois, "This time I'm saying goodbye." He leaves.

Lex shoots at him and Superman takes it full in the chest. It doesn't kill him, but it does blow a big hole in his shirt and knock him back aways. Lex is frustrated. How many times does he have to kill this guy.

Superman is hurt, he can't get close, so he flies up and does the sun thing before zooming down and heatbeaming the base of the island. He hits the surface of the water spread-eagled so the wake smashes across the island washing the henchmen over the side into the ocean. Lex and Kitty manage to avoid being swept away. Lex hands Kitty the crystals; she starts to toss them but he grabs them away from her.

Lex: Why do women always foil me and help him? Is it the hair? He has better hair?

But he stumbles and loses them in a crevice when the island shakes and the place falling apart convinces him to get to the copter as the island begins to rise.

Superman pushes the island up. As chunks fall off and more Kryptonite is exposed, he cries out, obviously in pain, but doesn't stop. Finally, with his last burst of strength, he shoves the thing towards the sun. He has time for one last "Goodbye, father," before he falls.

The island hurtles towards the sun.

Superman falls.

We see the surface of the island heating, the water boiling away, the crystals starting to explode. The control panel melts and sparks.

Superman hits the ground.

He's rushed into the hospital. Same as before, except his uniform does not get ripped like an old T-shirt (although they're welcome to try). We see doctors carefully removing the hundreds of tiny Kryptonite shards stuck in his bleeding hands. He flatlines, they revive him as before.

Lois visits. Same deal, but shows up before they leave — he gave them their privacy — and on the way out he mentions "I thought he got strength from sunlight."

Lois: He does.

Richard: So why were the blinds shut? Don't you guys have a solarium or something?

The doctors stop, stunned. Then things happen very quickly. Superman revives, waves to the docs, and flies away to the cheers of the crowds. He spots Martha and flies off to reappear as Clark in the crowd. She nods at the teeming mob. "Still think you're alone?" He hugs her. The message is clear: he has a parent who loves him, right here.

Closing scene. Still peeks in on Jason, but not so much with the father-son stuff. Does he know? For that matter, do we know? Leave it unclear. Same close with Lois, and he flies off into the sunset.

This was written before I read Marv Wolfman's excellent novelization, where some of these points are addressed. Were they in the script and left out? Did he fix them himself? Dunno, but that version worked where the  movie version failed. Bryan Singer's Superman is a whiny, abandoning, stalker of a superhero. Just the simple change of having the 5-years-gone be an accident would have made him sympathetic and tragic.

Smallville, if you've missed it, is the story of Clark Kent before he became Superman. No cape, no costume, no flying (mostly). Just an American boy growing up in a very weird small town. Clark discovers his emerging powers, fights ethical and moral battles within himself, tries to act normal while secretly using his powers to help people, and wends his way through the tricky avenues of friendship, loyalties, and love.
I'm not going into a synopsis of the show – that's available elsewhere online, in much better detail.
But I tuned in avidly, one of the very few shows I bothered to remember to watch, and I was excited at the prospect. I love the Superman character. He's the quintessential American hero. Thanks to a careful upbringing among honest, honorable people Clark simply doesn't see the point of using his gifts to benefit himself over others. John Byrne, whatever his faults, captured this perfectly when he retooled the entire Superman comic series back in the 80's. The movies, whatever their faults, at least started out with the right idea. And in the hands of talented writers and artists Superman becomes admirable not just for what he can do, but for what he chooses to do and why.

I started off loving Smallville despite the silly monster-teen-of-the-week bits. I liked Clark and his family, I liked his friends (although Lana changing from the red-haired country girl of the comics to a dark-haired exotic beauty was a trifle annoying) and I thought the actors playing the Luthors deserved buckets of Emmys. And the notion that Clark was actually sent to Earth to rule just floored me.

But I got more annoyed every week as the plots took us farther and farther away from Superman history. I don't demand that they comply, word by word, with What Hath Gone Before, but some inner consistency would be nice.

Why is Clark's dead father an ongoing character?

Why is it that his powers are so easy to get, lose, and trade? His dad got 'em, some girl from a car wreck got 'em, some kid hit by lightening stole 'em… kinda takes away the uniqueness of being Clark if his abilities are that transient.

What the hell is up with the Cave of Plot Device? Jor-el was here before? He's still around? Clark was prophesied?

After the government took away the first three or four super-powered teenagers, why didn't they quarantine the whole town and test everybody?

Why isn't Clark in jail? He's at the scene of every major disaster, murder, or accident. They sort of touched on this with the new sheriff but didn't keep up with it. For that matter, why don't the cops try to hire Clark?

Once Clark found out kryptonite could hurt him, why wouldn't he take some time every weekend to go kryptonite-hunting with Pete and destroy every rock he found? If heat vision didn't do it there should be some cavern or crevice he could dump it in. What with the sheer amount of kryptonite available it's a miracle Clark survived childhood.

If you had no clue about your origins and you heard from a rich, world-class scientist who spoke your native language and knew where you came from, wouldn't you hang around and pump him for everything you could? Hell, intern with him for the summer or something.

How exactly is Clark going to maintain a secret identity later on around Lex?

"Hold it, Luthor. Your mad scheme ends here!"

"Clark, why are you running around in your jammies? Are you feeling all right?"

Why doesn't Clark practice more to find out what he can do? He still seems to constantly be surprised when a new ability pops up.

Did he pay back all the money he stole during his red-k summer?

Someone on the Smallville staff needs to figure out how strong Clark is and how resistant to damage so that he doesn't shake off something ten times worse than what knocked him out last episode.

Yeah, it's a TV show, you have to expect cheesy special effects. But please, people. When you swing an axe at something unbreakable, the ax bounces. Maybe it bends a little. Or the handle breaks. And the person swinging it hurts their arms. It doesn't shatter into a million dramatic, slow motion pieces. Neither do chain saws or knives. Really.

Watching the first seasons again brought back the stuff I loved:
– The relationship between Clark and his parents. They weren't perfect, but they were unfailingly honest and supportive.
– The relationship between Clark and Lex. It got repetitious, but nothing like this has been seen before.
– The relationship between Lex and Lionel, and Lex's battle against his destiny. Easily the best part of the show. Lex and Lionel are played perfectly, with so many levels going back and forth you need a flowchart to catch them all. Lionel is the most magnificent bastard to walk the earth and it's a thrill to watch him operate.
– The problems Clark faced, and the real dilemmas he had to deal with. He made some hard calls in there, especially regarding Lana when she was with Whitney.

But it got to where there was too much stuff that made me want to crawl into the screen and just start slapping people. The new mythologies. Kryptonite everything. The musical relationships. The ending-every-show-with-someone-pining-for-someone-else. The fact that 10 seconds of conversation in every show would have saved entire relationships. "Can't talk now, Lana, I have to go save Chloe, she doesn't know she's dating a murderer." How long does that take to say?

For that matter, just frigging tell Lana. How can you worry that knowing will endanger her when she's endangered every single episode? Just tell her! Everybody else that visits the show finds about about Clark in the first fifteen minutes, I think they hand out flyers at the Smallville visitor center.

Season Two is where they lost me. Every episode dripped angst. Every episode was a hide and seek game with the spaceship key, which got more screen time than Pete. Every episode I had to watch Clark pine over Lana, Chloe pine over Clark, and Lana pine over everything. I finally stopped watching, the good parts of the show — and they were still there — weren't enough to make me forget the "oh, come on" parts.

This season we started watching again, solely because James Marsters is on it. So far I haven't been impressed. And you have no idea how disappointed I am about that, because I really, really wanted to be.