I'm stuck here, helplessly refreshing my browser over and over, waiting to see what… Hey, another Roomba! Do I need a Roomba? Nah, my house would kill the poor thing… Anyway, I'm hovering over my browser to see what comes up next. A Woot-Off is in progress, right now!

Woot.com is an odd little site that offers close-out bargains of a wide variety of items, a new one daily. You do not know how many they have for sale, only that once they sell out that's it. Prices often run at a fraction of ordinary retail, shipping is reasonable, and the product descriptions are always brutally honest and often hilarious.

Wait, it changed again! Is it… no, it's some kind of TV tuner game thing. Don't need one. Whew.

That's the normal site, anyway. Periodically a Woot-Off occurs, and the frenzy begins.

In a Woot-Off, items are thrown up there at breakneck speed and remain till they sell out, when they are replaced by the next item, and only during a Woot-Off can you see a progress bar letting you know (roughly) how many are left. This is what allows me to grab a hurried shower and, somehow, drive to work, moaning at every stoplight about the great deals I am surely missing.

Electronics. Wine. More electronics. Luggage. Toys. There's a GPS system! Should I…?

Some items sell quickly, meaning you have to haunt your computer to be ready for the next item. Some unwanted items last for hours, apparently so I can sleep. But it's not really the sale items I'm interested in. It's the BoC I want.

The BoC ("Bag O' Crap," although many other terms have been crammed into that flexible acronym) pops up for sale at $1. You can buy up to 3, and you are guaranteed to get 3 random items worth at least a buck. Shipping is $5. Items are usually pens, promotional products, the occasional thumbdrive or robotic toy, and the ubiquitous Samsonite camera bag. But then sometimes…

Sometimes you get other things at woot.com's whim. Like a 62" flatscreen plasma TV. Or a Wii, which three lucky wooters received last time. Or a giant paper mache head of Jeopardy winner Ken Jennings. You just don't know, but an awful lot of people are, right now, wearing out their refresh buttons hoping to find out.

Productivity is dropping worldwide, today. Office work everywhere is just a little bit slower. I note that Congress is not in session and that can't be a coincidence. When you win a BoC, which often sells out in minutes and requires herculean efforts to achieve, you know you've accomplished something,. It's the closest thing the Internet has to a contact sport.

Still the GPS. Come on people, buy the thing! Get it outta there so we can move on!

I got a BoC last fall. It was one of the proudest days of my life, and I'm including marriages and births in there. I can do it again. I've trained. I'm ready.

I just can't leave my desk.